This is a video of an elf (the shoes are a dead giveaway) balancing on an extra-tall unicycle while spinning two balls on his face and head and juggling three batons. Impressive. You know, I think I witnessed the same feat at the circus when I was a kid. Also: an elephant take the second biggest dump I’ve ever seen, and a guy trying to catch it all with a shovel and the weight of each fresh turd causing his shovel to dip and the top turd roll off the pile. My brother and I still talk about it to this day.

This is an absolutely stunning (I love nature) timelapse of various species of Echinopsis cacti displaying their brief annual blooms, most of which last only a single night. Very cool. Me? I’m more into tropical plants and bromeliads, but running in plant circles I know a lot of cactus people too. They’re…prickly. Whatever, that kills at plant & garden shows! I have a green thumb AND penis.

Keep going for two videos, the second of which includes the flowers wilting like your love for me.

Ever wonder how plastic pollution is manufactured? Have I got the video for you! This is a clip of a 750mL water bottle blowing machine doing it’s thing — it’s thing being making future ocean trash as quickly as possible. There’s also a video of the same process being used to make 5-gallon water jugs. And speaking of jugs — “Boobs?” BOOBS. My girlfriend says I should grow up, but she’s the one who responded to a guy with Peter Pan as his dating profile pic, so she should have known what she was getting herself into.

In I don’t think we’re not in Kansas anymore news, this is a video from Elgin, Texas of a Chevy Silverado getting knocked over and spun around by a tornado before the tornado decides it’s had enough fun and returns the truck to its wheels so the driver can drive away undead. Wow! Now I’m no stranger to pooping my pants, but this would have been one for the record books.

Because having to pull a club out of your bag is for peasants and this is the gentlemen’s game, dammit, Nick O’Hara built the Golf Club Shooter for golf equipment inventor Rick Shiels. It launches your club in the air in your direction so you can catch it then miss your putt like a boss. Did Rodney Dangerfield’s bag have this feature in Caddyshack? I can’t recall. I’ve always been too high drunk tired when I’ve watched it to remember it all. Same goes for The Big Lebowski.

This is a ten minute video of two handymen sweeping trash in the shape of clock hands in order to indicate the time. The concept was created by Dutch artist Martin Baas as a continuation of his ‘Real Time’ series (the first of which you might have seen before that looks like a man inside a clock constantly rewriting the time with a marker, video included below). Apparently the men sweeped that trash every minute for twelve hours in order to complete a full rotation. Where’s the timelapse of that? Also, there has got to be more a efficient way to tell time than sweeping trash around. Granted I can’t think of any right now because I just filled up my gas tank for $5.29/gallon and decided to get my money’s worth and fill my brain up with precious fumes, but shhhhhh — do you hear that humming?