Because apparently art is everywhere (including in the crisper drawer), these are a couple shots of the fish that Japanese fruit and vegetable artist Kishimoto Takehiro carved into a stalk of broccoli. How about that! I know some kids complain about eating their broccoli, but I love it. Granted I’ve always covered it with so much ranch you can’t see any green and it’s about as healthy as a deep-fried Oreo, but whatever, it all gets eaten, and I get dessert without having a total meltdown and making my mom wish she never had me, the end.

This is a video of musician Lorenzo Vaccaro playing “the supposedly impossible MIDI track Rush E” at a very respectable 152BPM. For reference, that’s about my heart rate on my walk down the driveway to get the mail. My doctor says I’m going to die. My bookie says the same thing! LOL but seriously can I hide out at your place during March Madness?

Keep going for this video, as well as an ultra-quick Maple Leaf Rag, and the original Rush E video for reference.

@yolo.itslolo Reply to @jomom1234 I DIDNT THINK ID BE ABLE TO DO THIS SO SOON #PROGRESS #fyp #rushe #classical #piano #music #xyzbca ♬ original sound – Lorenzo Vaccaro

@yolo.itslolo Reply to @yeetis_fleeetis honestly should I attempt this more and make this a challenge? #fyp #piano #ragtime #mapleleafrag #challenge #classical ♬ original sound – Lorenzo Vaccaro

This is a video of a garbage truck picking up and accidentally dropping an entire trash can into its compactor, popping the can’s wheels off in the process. How perfectly the wheels fly off — it’s like art. I mean if art wasn’t dead. Well, except for tasteful nudes — tasteful nudes are immortal. TRUE STORY: I’m always asking my girlfriend if she wants me to draw her like one of my French girls, and she’s always reminding me I don’t have any French girls, and can’t draw. I’ll never stop asking though, because– “You’re a pervert.” I’m a romantic, dammit!

@havenothadmycoffee I laughed for WAY TOO LONG at this last night! #LMAO #LOL #OhNo ♬ Jackass – TV Theme Players

Thanks again to JustA, who will let me draw that drawing one day, I just know it.

Because the moment some people put on virtual reality goggles all sense of the analog world disappears and they become fully immersed in the Matrix, this is a video of Ashley Cacioppo’s dad diving into his television from a VR balance beam, breaking the screen. Just where the hell did he think he was?! And how has he outsmarted Death long enough to procreate and have adult children? These are the thoughts that keep me up at night. Also: is she asleep? Is it safe to fart now?

@ladbible Wait for it…🤣😂 🎥 IG/ashleycacioppo #ladbible #fyp #foryoupage #dadsoftiktok #vrgame #virtualreality ♬ original sound – LADbible

Thanks to JustA, who agrees virtual reality isn’t for everyone.

This is a video of a piece of steel being formed into a giant glowing coil at a steel mill. Obviously, your first reaction was, “My God I want to play with that Slinky.” And you totally should. Go ahead — pick it up. Speaking of picking things up, I was walking my dogs this morning and had just opened a new roll of dog poop bags and when I bent over to pick up a turd my hand went right through the bottom and I bare-hand clenched that piece of shit in my fist before I could stop. So yeah, that’s how my day is going. My girlfriend said no hugging for three days.

Because even other gigantic assholes doesn’t want more asshole on their hands, this is a compilation video of Vladimir Putin getting snubbed while extending his hand out for handshakes. Can’t say I blame any of them, I wouldn’t shake hands with the turd either. Shoot, I wouldn’t even shake my own penis next to him at a urinal, just piss on his pant leg then steal all the paper towels on my way out.