This is a video captured by a Houston, Texas motorist who spotted a car towing two bikes, one of which had partially freed itself from the bike rack and was pedaling as fast as it could to keep up. Per the person filming while I wonder why my bike never pedals for me and always makes me do all the work:

“I was driving to work one day when I was behind the car and I said it looked like the bike was hanging. I pulled my phone and started recording. I switched lanes to try and alert the driver; however, the driver slowed down and switched lanes never looked my way. I laughed and said, damn the bike going places.”

“Damn the bike going places.” I probably would have said the same thing and laughed. Of course mostly at myself for making the dad joke. So, real talk — you think that bike has been taking performance enhancing drugs or what? Because I can tell you right now from the glaring lack of spokey dokeys and handlebar streamers that it clearly hasn’t been taking performance dehancing drugs.

This is a video of a ball bearing completing the giant marble run constructed by Scott of Youtube channel Scott’s Marble Runs, taking a full six minutes from the top (which begins on Scott’s roof, not unlike where I begin many Saturday mornings in college) to the very bottom (a Frozen Olaf cup in his living room). What a journey! I really feel like I’ve grown having watched that. And I have — six minutes older. Those are six minutes I’ll never get back, and you know what, I don’t want them back. I don’t need your charity! No but seriously can I borrow a couple bucks for some lotto scratchers, I’m feeling lucky because I almost stepped in dog poop this morning but didn’t. What kind of dog poops on the bath mat anyways? SPOILER: Mine. Mine does.

This is some POV footage of what it looks like to pilot a Seabreacher, a sort of jet-powered boat/submarine inspired by dolphins. Admittedly, it looks pretty fun. Do a barrel roll! Still, it’s all fun and games until you find yourself in the belly of a whale. THEN WHAT? You don’t want to shoot your way out because whales are our friends, but you also don’t want to die in there. So what do you do? “Wake up.” Hoho, it was just a dream! I like the way you think, makes me feel less alone being such a ding-a-ling.

This is a video of Youtuber That Japanese Man Yuta asking other Japanese people to do their best imitation of what foreigners speaking fluent English sound like to them. They all pretty much nail it, especially the mannerisms. And, I think I speak for everyone who does speak fluent English when I say we really need to step up our game, because this is embarrassing.

This is an unfortunate video of Wheel Of Fortune contestant Tenaya making a terrible guess trying to solve a Show Biz puzzle with $10,100 on the line. The correct answer, as I’m sure you were able to deduce, is ‘JURASSIC PARK MOVIES’, but Tenaya guesses ‘JURASSIC PARK BODIES’. That sucks. Just for her though, for me it’s great because now I keep asking my girlfriend if she wants to see the new Jurassic Park body when it comes out and chuckle to myself every time I say it. It’s the little things in life, you know? Especially the ones at someone else’s expense.

Keep going for two videos, the first of which is longer and better.

Genuinely one of the funnier guesses in Wheel of Fortune history. #WheelOfFortune pic.twitter.com/ijIOGY1x3f

— Pat (@producepat) February 24, 2022

We’ve already seen The Book Of Boba Fett reimagined as a 1980’s crime drama, so why not a 90’s sitcom like Full House? Or at least that’s what I imagine Nerdist’s Matt Caron was thinking when he took the time to make this edit. Also, “This will totally be worth it,” and “I sure hope that half-wit at Born In Space posts it.” Well lucky you, Matt — lucky you.