In feel-good news, this is a video of a Spanish-speaking customer at a Taco Bell in Kenosha, Wisconsin putting on an employee’s headset and helping translate a drive-thru order. That is beautiful. Per the translator’s wife:

“My husband and our family went to Taco Bell for dinner. The workers were asking each other if they spoke Spanish and everyone said no. He was by the counter waiting for our food and said I do. The young lady asked ‘Will you do it?’ He said yes because he didn’t want the person to be stuck waiting and leave with no food. Kindness goes a long way. Workers where happy and customer too!”

Good people. Also, I’m afraid I have no choice but to go to Taco Bell for lunch now. The seed has been planted, and that seed is going to grow into a taco tree, bearing a bountiful harvest of farts this afternoon. Obviously, I’d steer clear of the farmer’s market if I were you.

Old dogs: learning new tricks is easy for some of them. My old dogs? My old dogs can’t even remember their old tricks. They’re incredible at pooping inside if its raining out though. This is a video of a 10-year old English Mastiff driving a golf cart into its owner’s truck, then fleeing the scene on paw. So, do you think the owner would have been able to solve this mystery without the security cam footage? Sometimes I wonder. About a lot of things, really. Like why are we all here? I haven’t come to a definitive conclusion yet, but based on my life so far I’m leading towards some sort of punishment.

Because chemistry and physics are magic, this is a video of a guy wowing his friend with a length of stretched out nickel-titanium wire (aka Nitinol, a shape-memory alloy) that, when heated in a glass of hot water above its transition temperature (the temperature at which it was deformed), returns to its original coiled shape. How about that! He then asks if the show of magic makes his friend want to kiss him, but his friend is too bewitched to reply. *shrug* All friendships are different. Still, shape-memory alloys — are you thinking what I’m thinking? “Transformer sex dolls!” Okaaaay, no you are not.

Because you’re a tough dude and you totally rule nature, this is a clip of a man getting charged by a bull elk in Yellowstone National Park because he got too close trying to take a video. I like how he looks back at the giant elk like the elk is the lucky one and he didn’t almost require emergency surgery to have 4+ feet of antler removed from his new anuses. Per the person filming: ‘No matter how much information is supplied from the National Park Service, idiots still think they know better. Never come between a bull elk and his cows.’ Words of wisdom. Same goes for coming between me and the television when I’m playing video games. Just ask my ex-roommate. “He set me on fire!” Should have read the lease.

Because when it doubt, chase it and try to eat it, this is a video of a young American alligator chasing and repeatedly attacking a green laser pointer in the swamps of Hollywood, South Carolina. ‘This fairy tastes like swamp water!’ I imagine it thinking after every bite. Chasing laser pointers — who knew cats and alligators were so similar?! Now break out the gatornip and feather on a stick toy and let’s really get this swamp party started.

Because Florida is nothing if not its authentic self, this is a video of a resident transporting a new flatscreen television home in the backseat of his car with the rear driver’s side door fully open to accommodate the large box. To his credit though, he is driving on the shoulder so the door doesn’t stick out into the left lane. Regardless, he’s still just one wrong move away from that flatscreen getting modded into a very jagged curved screen.