This is a short video demonstration of the energy return of a carbon plate running shoe (one with a carbon plate in the midsole designed to increase energy return with each step and reduce fatigue) versus a regular running shoe. That…was a drastic difference. Almost as good as flubber, but not quite. Did I ever tell you about the time I ate a ball of flubber? “Launched you off the toilet and through a wall coming out.” I still have the scar.

@thefashionjogger ✅ WITH CARBON PLATE vs ❌ WITHOUT CARBON PLATE. What do you think? 🤔 #running #shoes #sport #fyp #funny #funnyvideos #runner ♬ Redbone Kaemonsguitar – kaemon

This is a visualization of the degree of totality of the upcoming solar eclipse that can be seen from each US state, in order of increasing totality. Granted, some of these depend on where you’re at in the state (each lists a specific city), because some states are BIG. Me? I’m gonna see that 100% TOTAL ECLIPSE. “Of the heart?” I don’t even know what that means, but sure. Also if I turn into a werewolf during the eclipse I want you to try to ride me.

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This is some security cam footage of construction worker Shane Reimche entering the Quick Trip Market just moments before a 4-foot runaway circular saw blade comes flying through the parking lot and embeds itself in the side of the door. He never saw it coming, but dude was just two seconds away from a world of hurt. My enemies? They’re never more than a single second away from a world of hurt. The Doomsday Clock? It’s already past midnight, humanity is just too far up its own ass to realize it.

This is a 3D visualization created by Popular Science comparing the weights of Pokemon to real animals that weigh the same to give a better sense of their heft. Some more info to prove somebody actually spent time thinking about this:

If Pokémon existed in the wild, which animals would be in their weight class? We used the Pokédex to find the exact weights of 11 of our favorite Pokémon, and then we matched them up in a 3D comparison with animals that share the same weights.

Pokémon size doesn’t factor in to the calculations — it’s all about their weights and how the animals would match up to them in nature. What would happen to a Pokemon in real life if it came across its counterpart? Would Pikachu and a Sphynx cat be friends, and if not… who would win in battle?

This is definitely the most important video you’ll watch all day, and, unless there’s live footage of an alien invasion in the coming weeks, probably all month. I mean this is what the internet was made for. “I thought it was so you could sell homemade boner pills to strangers online.” Hey, they work. You should read my reviews. “This one says something about heart palpitations and ends mid-sentence.” Not that one, dude clearly wasn’t ready for the heat.

This is a video of parkour athlete Nico Fischer demonstrating his skills by repeatedly (and smoothly) jump-climbing up and down two parallel walls without touching the ground. His friend Aziz gave him the nickname ‘Elevator-Man’, which I’m adding to my list of blackballed houseguests. I made the mistake of letting another parkour friend come over once and he tore off my shower curtain rod and broke my hamper. You said you just had to pee, bro!

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These are several videos of the appropriately named Youtuber Speedbag Bard demonstrating his ability to punch a speed bag to the beats of various songs. Included below are ‘Feel Good Inc’ by Gorillaz, Post Malone’s ‘Sunflower’, Survivor’s ‘Eye Of The Tiger’, and Sisqo’s ‘Thong Song’. Dude is smooth, working the bag with both side of his fists AND throwing some elbows in the mix. It’s just a good thing his elbows aren’t as pointy as my girlfriend’s or he would have popped that bag. “Speed bags aren’t poppable.” You haven’t seen her elbows!