What better way to commemorate the end of 2020 than with a holiday dumpster fire? I can’t think of anything. Well, besides shooting myself out of a cannon, but my girlfriend nixed that idea on account of her loving me and not wanting to see me blown into a thousand fleshy bits because I decided to just eyeball the black powder measurement. This is an hour-long holiday dumpster fire video, which you should gather round with your family and tell stories of all the horrible things that happened this year as we say good riddance to it. 2021 — now that’s going to be our year, am I right? “Twenty bucks says by March that 2021 turns out to just be 2020, the sequel.” It’s like you’ve been there and seen it already.

Pandora: it’s right here on earth. “You’re talking about the jewelry store that sells the charm bracelets.” Exactly, my girlfriend loves those baubles. This is a video captured by photographer and videographer Raymond K. of the bioluminescent algae (aka sea sparkle) in the Wadden Sea off the coast of Terschelling in the Netherlands. Breathtaking, isn’t it? Like the first time I ever laid eyes on a nude sculpture at the museum. *closes eyes, reminisces about middle school field trip* I fainted you know.

Keep going for this video, as well as two others in case you just can’t get enough bioluminescence today.

This is a video of Team USA Ice Dancers Oona and Gage Brown performing their 2020-21 Free Dance routine to Metallica’s 1991 banger ‘Nothing Else Matters’ at the Bryant Park’s Winter Village ice rink in New York City. Wow, has it really almost been thirty years since ‘Nothing Else Matters’ came out? Where does the time go? Instead of being so concerned with time travel we should focus on how to make time stop instead so we can live in this moment…forever. What is ‘Nothing Else Matters’ about anyways? Making sure you express how you feel even though it makes you vulnerable? “Video games.” Ah, that makes sense.

Because life, uh, finds a way, this is a video of a fox making a dive into an ice hole and successfully catching a fish. Or at least that’s what the video description says, I’m personally not convinced that’s a fish and not some sort of rodent. I zoomed and enhanced as hard as I could (I yelled it really loud while typing as fast as I could like a hacker), but I couldn’t tell one way or the other, so I just told my little sister that was definitely her hamster. She didn’t take it very well and now I’ve noticed mom has removed all the presents under the Christmas tree with my name on them.

Keep going for the video, which, upon a second viewing, does appear to be a fish.

Catch fishing pic.twitter.com/8XRbw6WWKw

— Scott Galloway (@profgalloway) December 20, 2020

Presumably because parking brakes are merely a suggestion (particularly on a hilly driveway), these are multiple security camera angles of a man chasing a car that’s trying to make a getaway while he washes a BMW, successfully nose-diving over over an embankment before he’s able to stop it. On the up side, at least it wasn’t the more expensive of the two that decided to take itself for a joyride. Or maybe this one was sad he was giving the BMW a wash instead of it and jealousy drove it to madness. Or, who knows, maybe it’s just a car and doesn’t have feelings. That’s total bullshit though if Optimus Prime taught me anything.

Keep going for all angles, including the tow truck rescuing the car.

Oh, Japan. This is the ~$36 octopus ‘body warmer’ sold by Japanese novelty retailer Village Vanguard that can be worn around the neck and has snaps along its tentacles so you can secure objects in them for easy access. As you can see in the product photo above, this man is clearly ready to negotiate his next business deal with an iron fist AND iron tentacles. Personally, I would just immediately concede to his demands, but I also don’t work here I just came into the building to use the bathroom and got lost and saw a sushi tray. *pointing with chopstick* You’re fired! LOL, I’ll just let myself out if you can point me in the right direction.