This is a video of ex-NASA engineer Mark Rober’s Glitter Bomb 3.0 being opened by random package thieves, who believe they’ve just stolen a fancy pair of noise-canceling headphones. This year’s bomb includes ultra-fine glitter, fart spray, sound effects (e.g. “Merry Christmas ya filthy animal.” from Home Alone) and light effects (red and blue spinning cop lights). The reactions are mostly what you’d expect (WTF?!), the only thing missing was some Spidey-web blasting out of the box to pin them to a wall until the cops can show up to arrest them and send them to a special jail where they all have to fight each other to the death gladiator style with the winner winning nothing but the opportunity to fight the next group of arrested package thieves. “Oh wow.” Somebody stole my PS5.

Keep going for the video, actual thieving begins around 7:15.

Slow motion: hands down one of my favorite motions besides *pats waterbed, winks* the motion of the ocean. This is a video of Gav of the Slow-Mo Guys carefully placing 1,000 mousetraps covered with dry paint pigment, then setting them all off in a glorious chain reaction, all filmed in ultra slow-motion. The first 6:30 consists of clips of him setting up the mousetraps over the course of ten hours though, so I can’t recommend watching that unless you have absolutely nothing else to do. Just skip to 6:30 for the action to begin. Glorious, colorful action. I’m closing my eyes right now and I can still see it. “No, you’re still watching the video.” Well sure, but I probably could if I wanted. *closes eyes* Oh, no, naked ladies.

Because if you can’t work Star Wars into absolutely ever facet of art and music and life in general can you even call yourself the bigger fan in an argument with a friend that, God willing, is about to escalate into a fist fight, these are two piano covers of Carol Of The Bells mashed up with the Imperial March, and The Mandalorian’s main theme, with music videos made in the form of a storm trooper playing the piano in a sort of rhythm video game. I just emailed the Youtube links to all my friends instead of sending photo Christmas cards this year, saved myself a small fortune. “You saved yourself the cost of four cards.” They make you buy them in 50-packs!

2020 doesn’t want you making any forward progress, it wants you right back where you were before it started, and ideally worse off. This is a video from Ukraine’s capital Kyiv of a woman repeatedly trying and failing to make it up an icy sidewalk. My bones started aching just watching. At one point it even looks like she was going to make it before being denied with a slide back to start. Unfortunately, the video ends when she decides maybe this side of the street isn’t for her after all and starts butt-sliding back across the street, so I can only assume she’s either still sliding to this day, or clutching the curb on hands and knees, horribly dehydrated and hungry right now. We should send her a gift. “This isn’t the Hunger Games.” *sharpening stick* Oh yes it is too.

WATCH NOW: Ukraine's capital is covered in ice. And this woman just cannot stop falling on it. pic.twitter.com/iIXUrQrdp5

— CBS News (@CBSNews) December 11, 2020

Thanks again to MSA, who, for three usable tips in one day, has been awarded a gold star sticker and a special place in my heart.

This is ‘High-Tech KAPLA Tricks’, a video of unique domino maze tricks made using KAPLA blocks. Just give it a chance. I’m sure you’ve already moved on and now this article is long forgotten like a butterfly fart in a tornado and that’s a shame because the video is actually worth a watch. There really was some clever stuff in there. Hello, is anybody out there? HELLO? “I’m here, sweetie.” Awww, mom, you’re the best. “I’m here, sweetie.” It really means a lot to me. “I’m here, sw–” IS THIS A RECORDING?!

Keep going for the worthwhile video and at least give it thirty seconds before swearing you’ll never take my advice again even though that get-rich quick scheme was foolproof minus not working and losing all our money.

Booze: like most retail stores I’ve been asked to leave, bars don’t like it when you bring some in from outside. Enter the bangle bracelet flask available from online retailer Ali Express. The ~$12 bracelet is available in silver, rose gold, or rainbow colored finish and holds approximately 3.5-ounces of your favorite hootch. Obviously, there’s no way that is ever going to fit over my hand ankle, so– “It’s called a wrist.” Whatever, my point is I’ll just have to wear it– “No, it isn’t going to fit on your penis.” Haha, well not without making it the size of a tractor tire it’s not.