This is a video of self-assured cardistry practitioner notseano smoothly boomeranging a card behind his back and returning it to the deck in his other hand. Pretty slick. For reference, the only thing I can do with playing cards is consistently lose poker hands. And speaking of poker hands *jokingly poking at girlfriend’s hands with finger* LOL. “Stop, I literally JUST got my nails painted.” Well how was I supposed to know? “We’re still at the salon?” Teehee, this lady keeps tickling my feet!

This is Cinnamon Toast Crunch Cinnadust seasoning blend, a proprietary blend of the Colonel’s eleven secret herbs and spices that’s allegedly the same crack cocaine they top the cereal with, except now you can liberally add the seasoning to your own ice cream and cookies without spending countless nights in an underground laboratory trying to chemically separate the dust from the cereal flakes. I’m pretty sure it’s cinnamon and fine-grain sugar. Cinnadust will be available exclusively at Sam’s Club starting the beginning of September, and if anybody belongs to Sam’s Club and wants to buy me a bottle, I will repay you by snorting a whole tablespoon and running through the wall of your choice like the Kool-Aid Man.

This is a video of Youtuber Vindog Unleashed’s father demonstrating his technique for extinguishing his birthday candles (it looks like he’s turning three) without blowing spittle all over the cake and potentially spreading germs to anybody who has a slice. The video is from 2016 (even though it looks like it’s from ’96), but all the more pertinent now in the age of coronavirus. I have it on good authority your wish won’t come true unless you actually blow the candles out aside, basically he firmly waves his hand at the candles. Obviously, this technique works even better if you accidentally slap the whole cake off the table and onto the floor, then your nephew starts crying because it was his birthday and you just ruined it trying to show him how to air-slap his candles out.

This is a video from Istanbul, Turkey of ice cream vendor Zekeriya demonstrating his skill at frustrating patrons by repeatedly tricking a man who came for ice cream from receiving said ice cream. In the man’s own words, who, yes, did hold a GoPro in his mouth for this video like a weirdo:

Man, that was an intense game of keepaway. For a while there I wasn’t sure if this guy was going to have to walk away without any ice cream. And my mom KNOWS how I feel about walking away without any ice cream. “He throws a tantrum in the checkout line and everyone turns to watch what an insufferable monster he’s being.” I love ice cream and have no shame, that’s how I can do it.

This is a timelapse video from Boxlapse featuring a pea plant growing over the course of 34 days. The germination and root growth is cool enough to watch, but the way the plant’s tendrils move around looking for something to grasp is REALLY something. I like how sometimes it even grabs itself sometimes, like “Oh shit I found something!” then it turns out to just be its own penis. *shrug* I think we’ve all been there in the dark.

This is some doorbell cam footage of a smoking tire hitting a home in Pataskala, Ohio, ringing the doorbell and breaking a window. It was sooooo close to just hitting that tree instead. The video title says the tire is traveling at 65MPH, but I suspect it’s somewhere closer to between 30 and 40MPH. Is this the most interesting thing to ever happen in Pataskala, Ohio? Well that depends on whether or not you believe adult actor John Holmes living there in his teens is more interesting. “I do not.” Congratulations tire, you’ve done it!