This is a video of a diver playing tug-o-war with an octopus off the coast of Mandelieu-la-Napoule, France over the diver’s GoPro and tripod. Clearly, the octopus tried to invoke the law of finders keepers, but the diver wasn’t having it, and, after a fairly intense battle of tug-o-war, the diver emerges victorious. Obviously, if Nemo and Dory and the rest of the gang had been around to give Hank a helping fin, the outcome might have been different, but they were probably all too busy getting high with that stoner sea turtle and losing track of yet another friend. You know what the most powerful gateway drug of all is? Love. “What the hell are you talking about?” I don’t know, I think there might be a gas leak in my office or something.

This is a video unveiling the interior of the Virgin Galactic SpaceshipTwos the company plans to use to send rich people briefly into space, to the tune of around $250,000+ per ticket. Will that include complimentary beverage service? It better. Also, where’s the bed? I thought the whole purpose of this endeavor was so rich people could have weightless sex in space. Did I misread between the lines? “Who needs a bed if you’re floating?” My God *throws hat on ground, stomps in jubilation* when you’re right, you’re right!

Keep going for several more renderings and the video, but skip all the way to 19:10 for the beginning of the cabin unveiling, and 22:00 for the actual unveiling, beginning with seat design (WTF, I know).

This is a video of the very talented Rush balancing two shot glass pyramids (technically shot plastic pyramids) on a board on his head while pushing himself on a skateboard. While undeniably impressive, I can’t help but feel there’s got to be a better way for bars to provide contact-free drink delivery. I mean I’ve already been waiting twenty-five minutes, witnessed two full jump through the hoop routines, and I still don’t have another drink yet. “Sir, we cut you off an hour ago.” What the *begins to flip table but doesn’t want to scare the dog* My Facebook wall is gonna hear about this!

This is a video from Youtuber Macrofying of a bunch of everyday objects first viewed super close up in macro mode, then quickly zoomed out to reveal their more familiar nature. Some were easy to guess, some were hard to guess, and some I’m not convinced were the same objects at all, but rather some clever video editing. “You think everything’s a conspiracy.” That’s because they are, and do you know the biggest conspiracy ever perpetrated is? “Adulthood.” I mean what an Instant Pot of shit this has really turned out to be.

In other bird news, this is a video of penguins at the Newquay Zoo in Cornwall, England chasing bubbles blown from a bubble machine that was donated by someone. First of all, who donates a bubble machine? That’s something you keep until you die and then are buried with. Secondly, who has a bubble machine to donate and thinks, you know what, maybe the zoo would want this. Well as it turns out that wasn’t the case at all because the zoo actually had the machine on their Amazon wishlist, and somebody was kind enough to buy it for them so this video could become reality. Some more info:

Penguin caretaker Dan Trevelyan said the bubbles help to keep the penguins’s predatory reflexes sharp.

“In the wild, these guys are marine predators who are very sensitive to objects and movement,” said Trevelyan. “The bubble machine is fantastic, as all the movement and new shapes and colors really stimulate these guys. They have a great time chasing them around. And all these donations are really appreciated.”

The bubbles, which cause no harm to the animals, have in the past also proved popular with the Zoo’s squirrel monkeys and Sulawesi crested macaques.

Oh good, the bubbles aren’t harmful, I was worried about that. So do you think that the zoo makes the bubbles fish flavored? Because SPOILER: the ones I ate in the bathtub last night were not. “Why were you eating bubbles in the bathtub?” *drops pants and underwear all the way to to ankles to pee, shrugs* Old habits die hard.

This is a video of a red-and-green macaw (aka green-winged macaw) making short work of a geometric shape puzzle and proving, at least in my mind, that this bird is definitely smarter than my nephew, who would have undoubtedly been trying to eat those pieces. Now watch — five…four…three…two…*sees sister trying to Facetime, hits ignore* Ahahhahaha she acts like she doesn’t read, but she reads.