To promote his new appropriately titled movie Selfiee, this is a video of Bollywood star Akshay Kumar setting the Guinness World Record for most selfies taken with different people in three minutes, with a respectable 184. He actually took 209 total, but 25 were disqualified due to being blurry, as the rules state “selfies must be in focus and sufficiently bright enough so that the person appearing in the picture can be recognized and identified as a unique participant.” Akshay achieved the record using two lines of fans approaching from both sides, quickly alternating from one side to the other snapping photos. Could I beat it? Of course I could beat it. Or, knowing me, take 250 photos in the wrong direction.

This is a video of an elevator full of people including Canadian folk artist Jessica Pierson, who took the opportunity to treat the captive audience to a sing-along. Some of the passengers look less than thrilled about the performance, although the two men in the back of the elevator do it very handsomely. I just looked at Jessica’s Instagram page and apparently she gave a recent airline flight the same impromptu concert treatment, leading me to believe that whether or not you actually want to listen to Jessica’s music, you’re going to hear it anyways.

Nightmare scenario pic.twitter.com/wio5Tuyg7u

— cal? @ 0F (@cal_gif) March 26, 2023

This is a visualization created by Youtube channel WTD comparing the sizes of a number of different dog breeds. I learned a lot by watching it. Mostly, that I have what would be considered two small dogs, and one large dog. The small ones weigh around 13-pounds and 18 pounds. The big one weighs like 80 pounds, and poops the same size of a large person does, and farts even worse than one. If I didn’t know better I’d swear he eats like, zombie meat.

This is a video of LA Dodger fan Ricardo Saurez attempting to propose to his girlfriend Stephani Gutierrez on the field in the middle of a game against the Diamondbacks and getting absolutely crushed by an overzealous security guard, who may have mistaken this for a football match. TARGET NEUTRALIZED. Then whoever is running the PA system appropriately plays the “Stop, drop, shut ’em down open up shop,” portion of DMX’s ‘Ruffryder Anthem’ and everything seemed appropriately LA. Thankfully for Ricardo, the tackle seems that it was all worth it and Stephani said yes. And, hopefully, got him a fresh ice pack.

Reverse angle#HappyOpeningDay pic.twitter.com/l2OFLg2cU4

— Hear in LA (@hearinladotcom) March 31, 2023

These are several videos of the staff of the Oakdale Veterinary Group in California allowing their dogs (including resident dog Mowgli) to walk and run through the wet cement sidewalk outside their newly constructed clinic to immortalize their paw prints. I think everyone can all agree that is super sweet. At least when dogs do it. Whenever I do it the homeowners association gets tipped off somebody is drawing penises in the sidewalk again. Get a life, busybodies!

Keep going for the videos, the last of which shows the finished result.

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A post shared by Oakdale Veterinary Group (@oakdaleveterinarygroup)

@oakdaleveterinarygroup Part 2 of concrete prints🐾 #oakdalevetgroup #vetmed #vetmedlife #veterinarian #veterinarymedicine #vetmedhumor #veterinarytechnician #veterinaryclinic #vettechlife ♬ Everybody Wants To Rule The World – Tears For Fears

@oakdaleveterinarygroup Replying to @andbreezeblocks What you've all been waiting for!! It's raining here in California but theres no stopping Mowgli from showing off his prints 🐾 #vetmed #oakdalevetgroup #vetmedhumor #veterinarymedicine #veterinarian #vetlife #vettech #veterinarytechnician #dvm #veterinaryclinic #greenscreenvideo ♬ I Think I Like When It Rains – WILLIS

This is a video of a skateboarder forming an extremely low budget Voltron by combining his skateboard with a milk crate, then ollieing the whole thing over two obstacles. Impressive! He definitely thought outside the box for this trick. Outside the box, but on the crate. Wocka wocka wocka! I need a drink. Maybe turpentine.