Because this is the internet and the internet basically IS the Matrix, here’s a music video from Auralnauts featuring the characters from The Matrix performing Vanilla Ice’s 1990 banger ‘Ice Ice Baby’. It’s pretty much exactly what I expected, which was just what I needed. TRUE STORY: when I was in Mr. Besser’s 4th grade class the girl in front of me turned around and asked if I liked Vanilla Ice but I was unaware of the artist at that time and told her I’d frozen orange juice in an ice cube tray before and it was just okay, so vanilla probably wouldn’t be any better.

This is a video of unfortunate son and college wrestler Spencer Lee’s stage mom Cathy getting so upset he just lost his NCAA semi-final wrestling match to underdog Matt Ramos that she breaks her eyeglasses. Calm down, mom, you’re embarrassing me! Apparently Cathy was a US Olympic alternate in judo back before Spencer was born, so she may be projecting her own inability to make it to a podium. Whatever the case, I’ve got the feeling it’s going to be a pretty dangerous ride home without those glasses.

This is a commercial for a Brazilian driving school (Auto Escola Brasiliense) in the style of Grand Theft Auto. Smart thinking — making things video game themed is definitely how you reach the kids. But do they teach Grand Theft Auto style driving? That’s what I want to know, because I feel like I learned pretty much everything I know about driving from Grand Theft Auto. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve had to Pay ‘n’ Spray in real life, but the paint on my car is over an inch thick now.

This is a short video of Amazon customer and humorist Scott Bragg providing proof that he never received a delivery from Amazon by highlighting the empty spot on the porch where his package should have been. But how did you know the driver would leave it right there, Scott? MAYBE BECAUSE YOU DID GET IT AND YOU’RE LYING, JUST ADMIT IT.

@scott.bragg #CapCut #amazon #funny #meme ♬ original sound – Scott Bragg

This is a sweet video of two old friends meeting each other again after decades of not being in contact. Apparently one of their daughters found the other and was able to arrange the meeting. An excerpt:

WOMAN 1: “How ya doin’?”
WOMAN 2:”I do as I please, how do you do?”
WOMAN 1: “I do as I please too.”

Dang, I want to do as I please! These old ladies are doing it up right. Life for me right now is nothing but doing as I displease, and, more often than not, even hate and despise. You, uh, you ladies have room for a Rose in your Golden Girls crew?

Because normal candles aren’t nearly enough of a fire hazard (my past landlords would disagree), this is a video of Evan and Katelyn of appropriately named Youtube channel Evan and Katelyn making and lighting a 63-pound, 1,000 wick candle. The result reminds me of a fire in one of those 55-gallon drums you see the survivors of an apocalypse standing around in movies with blank looks on their faces. So that’s something. Something my girlfriend would totally buy if it was sage & lemongrass scented.