This is a video of godly gourd carver and 2-time Halloween Wars winner James Hall discussing and demonstrating the techniques (and tools) involved with 13 increasingly difficult levels of pumpkin carving. I learned a lot by watching it. Mostly, that there’s no f***ing way I’m letting James compete in my pumpkin carving contest this year.

This is a video of a jumping jack style ground compactor hopping around on its own like Luxo Jr. at the beginning of Pixar movies. That’s cool. Of course if I was that guy in the video I’d be sticking my foot underneath it every time it jumped because I rule at playing five-finger filet AND collecting workers’ comp.

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This is a video of ‘bar industry leader and hospitality expert’ Chris Lowde discussing the technique of JaNee from Mahalo.com as she butchers her way through the making of an old fashioned. My favorite part was the mixing from glass to glass and spilling it everywhere. That and the fact she made this one drink strong enough to get two elephants drunk. If she’s working the bar you definitely want to order from her if you want to get your liquor’s worth but don’t care if the drink tastes like rocket fuel filtered through a subway seat.

Keep going for the video while I admire the don’t give a f*ck attitude it must have taken to film this drink making, rewatch it, and still release it. Also, if you’re into this Chris has a ton of others on his TikTok page.

@getlowdernow #duet with @getlowdernow ♬ original sound – Chris Lowder

Because that’s what friends are for, this is a video of Nathan Pryor’s friend testing the chainsaw clarinet Nathan built him, which combines his two biggest passions: playing clarinet, and…chainsawing? Hey, different strokes for different folks, that’s my motto. My favorite stroke? The breaststroke. You know why? “Because it has boobs in the name?” What? No — because you look like a frog when you do it. You know you really need to get your head out of the gutter and– “In-between your boobs?” Haha, you got me! Permission to motorboat away!

Nobody’s gonna pick on the band kids any more!

I built my buddy a chainsaw clarinet, combining his two passions into one ridiculous multi-tool: the Clarisaw! Or would that be the Chaininet? pic.twitter.com/PQ0ibZiw7o

— Nathan Pryor (@nathanpryor) April 23, 2021

Sure Flex Tape might be able to Mickey Mouse a leaking pipe, but can it stop a wrecking ball dropped from 45 meters? This is a video of the-fun loving Aussies of Youtube channel How Ridiculous finding out. The answer may surprise you, especially if you didn’t have any faith in Flex Tape. It probably won’t surprise you after just reading that last sentence though. Unless I lied. I don’t lie though. I’m the world’s eighth greatest lover!

Keep going for the video, wrecking ball drop at 12:00.

Because Halloween is just a week away, what better way to celebrate than…uh, a jet-powered coffin car? Let’s roll with it. Built by Robert ‘Rocket Man’ Maddox (previously), he nicknamed the dead pirate themed pulsejet powered death trap ‘The Halloween Machine’. I want it. Plus if I crash and die they can just dig a hole and bury me in it — nothing left for my family to do but some spitting.