Because apparently there are actually people out there who are convinced hot tub delivery is a one-man job, this is a video of a man attempting to unload a hot tub from a trailer solo and things going about as well as you’d expect. I don’t get it, at the beginning of the video you can clearly see there’s another person there (and possibly another one holding the camera unless it’s just sitting on something), why didn’t they help? Whatever the case, you couldn’t have done much worse. Backstory:

A family bought this heavy hot tub as a birthday present but didn’t want to pay the delivery charges. So this man decided to take the task of unloading it. He sat in the trailer and tried to push it down. But the hot tub went off balance and flipped out of the trailer.

“Didn’t want to pay the delivery charges” — classic. Maybe they’ll reconsider their willingness to paying the delivery charge on their next hot tub since this one probably cracked during delivery and wasn’t covered under insurance because they decided to unload it themselves. You live and learn. And, at least for some people, you live and don’t learn and die young.

Adorning the walls of countless boy’s bedrooms in poster form in the late 80’s and 90’s, the Lamborghini Countach was the car to dream about. Well, except for me, I dreamed about DeLoreans because I’ve always wanted to time-travel even from a young age. But this isn’t about DeLoreans, this is about the restoration of a 1985 Lamborghini boner machine that sat neglected for the past 20 years. *wiping tear* It ought to be a crime! The finished product is nothing short of a wet dream circa 1989. Now, take a photo of it, add some neon effects, and blow it up to poster size so I can tack it up in the garage next to my Cindy Crawford and Claudia Schiffer posters.

Note: Volume on, overdub is value-add.

This is a video from TikTok user jamieleeclitoris (real mature!), featuring footage he was able to secure from the public transit authority or Big Brother or whoever is in charge of stuff like this featuring him eating shit multiple times running to catch a bus. Well, if you could call that running. He appears to first trip over absolutely nothing before ever-so-slowly getting back to his feet and boarding on the bus, quickly realizing he dropped his unlucky penny (or lost a tooth) during the first fall, and goes back to retrieve it, collapsing again and hitting his head against the side of the bus. Damn! So, if you ever think you’re having a bad day, just remember ol’ jamieleeclitoris here — he can’t even ride the bus without risking almost certain death. Thank God he doesn’t drive or we’d probably all be goners.

@jamieleeclitoris don’t let this flop like i did 🥵🥵 (yes i’m concussed) #fyp #foryoupage #viral #funny #raisedby #comedy #publictransportation #wlw #lgbtq ♬ original sound – gachashadow785

Thanks to JustA, who agrees some people just aren’t cut out for moving at all.

This is a video of a woman presumably auditioning for my traveling circus by simultaneously spinning hula hoops on pretty much every body part possible (including hair bun), without them all hitting each other and ruining the act. Now that’s impressive. And she makes it all look so effortless too. Me? I tried spinning a single hula hoop on my arm and it flew off, hit the lion (actually my roommate in a lion costume because my circus doesn’t use real animals), causing it to attack, landing me in the hospital with some critical bite and scratch wounds. Needless to say, it was our most well-reviewed show yet we’re going to do it again next month!

Presumably to celebrate Mar10 Day yesterday, speedrunner FURiOUS (aka Matheus Furtado of Brazil) successfully completed Super Mario World in a scant 41.022 seconds, using the 0 Exit method (aka Credits Warp), which involves making a bunch of exact moves to trigger arbitrary code executions in the game, causing it warp to the end credits. If you’re into this and want to read detailed explanations of what’s happening and how it works you can check out much more information HERE and HERE. If you don’t care about that you can just watch the video. And if you really don’t care, you can not watch the video, and go get me a soda. “I thought you gave up soda for Lent.” I decided to give up caring about anything instead.

Fastest completion of Super Mario World (0 Exit) – 41.022 sec

Record holder @furious_ said the hardest part was placing Yoshi in the right spot to spit out the red shells 🐢 #Mar10 pic.twitter.com/zwOQd94CM7

— Guinness World Records (@GWR) March 10, 2022

This is a surprisingly worthwhile video of a very impressive Hot Wheels track built with a waterpark theme, complete with waterfalls and sections where the car is actually floating like it’s in a log flume ride. Did I hold my hands up the whole time, even for the big drop at the end? You bet your soaking wet ass I did, I’m a tough guy. “He curled up into a ball and tried to spoon as deep into my cubby as he could.” Honey! “What?” I have a reputation to uphold here. “Most of these people think you’re a wimp and a liar.” But for the one person who doesn’t — that’s the person I write for. I bet it’s my mom.