Because nothing quite says it’s fall y’all like a paper cup full of high sodium Japanese noodle soup on a crisp autumnal morning, Nissin Foods is released a limited edition (it’s first limited edition!) Pumpkin Spice flavored Cup Noodles this fall. Available exclusively at Walmart starting in October, I’m sure Target and Costco are fuming that they couldn’t seal a deal with Nissin first. I mean will anybody even shop at those stores once Walmart has Pumpkin Spice Cup Noodles? My guess is their parking lots will be ghost towns this fall. “Because they were built on top of cemeteries!” Exactly.

Because humanity is rapidly approaching its expiration date (use by, not best by), these are Wet Pants Denim, real jeans you can buy that make it look like you pissed yourself, but are actually dry to the touch (the illusion is created via dyeing, not to be confused with dying inside, which I’m doing currently). They come in blue, black, and white styles and cost $75 a pair. If you fancy yourself more a short wetter they also have men’s and women’s shorts available for $65. Or maybe you want an existing pair of jeans peed in. You can also send them jeans to be pee stained for $30. What a deal. And all pants include “a fully custom design of the splash pattern.” Nice, I want my splash pattern to spell my initials. I also noticed in the company’s hat store they’re selling Poo Pants Denim hats — a sign of what’s to come?! Because my heart is saying please God no but my mind is saying just give it a month.

Keep going for a shot of the very intense looking white jeans.

Thanks to atheistgirl, who agrees this does make a pretty convincing argument for the whole atheist thing.

This is a TikTok video from The Reptile Zoo of Fountain Valley, California starring an alligator that jumps out of its enclosure during feeding time to get its hands claws jaws at some chicken sashimi. Man…if I had a dollar for every time I escaped my enclosure for some hot wings, maybe I could afford to trademark ‘maximum security’ so the government has to stop misnaming their prisons.

Keep going for the first video in Youtube and TikTok format, and the second only in Tiktok.

@thereptilezoo

Well this wasn’t expected 😬 the questions is how does he get back in 😳 #alligator #animal #funny

♬ Comical and a little silly carefree music(831995) – Etsuo Kawasaki

@thereptilezoo

Only one way out and only one way in 😂 luckily we raised Darth from a baby and he’s very mellow for a gator 🐊 ##reptile ##alligator ##darthgator

♬ The Magic Bomb (Extended Mix) – Hoàng Read

This is a video of a 3D printed SkyersJet electric ducted fan (EDF) that self destructs during a thrust test. I warned them not to turn it up to 11, but did they listen? The SkyersJet was designed to power large scale R/C aircraft or giant drones. Damn, that would be one huge drone! Probably big and powerful enough to support the weight of a man in a lawn chair and now I know what I’m doing this weekend. I want my tombstone to read, ‘LIKE A BIRD, BRIEFLY, THEN A HUMAN METEOR’.

Keep going for the video, explosion at 1:25 and 2:05.

This is a video of a sign language interpreter giving the interpretation of a lifetime during a performance of Megan Thee Stallion’s very NSFW ‘WAP’ at Lollapalooza. Now I didn’t watch the video with the sound on, but I didn’t need to, those signs made it perfectly clear what was being said. And what things they were! I feel like I need a shower.

Keep going for the video, complete with Megan Fox cameo at the end.

This is a video of ABC News 20 reporter Jakob Emerson reporting from Lake Springfield in Illinois when a truck at the boat ramp behind him starts sinking, presumably because its owner forgot it was a truck and not a boat. Hey, it happens. If I had a nickel for every time I forgot my car isn’t a plane and tried to catch air on a speed bump, well, maybe I could actually afford all the necessary repairs my mechanic suggested.