This is a video of theoretical physicist Michio Kaku explaining string theory in just 60 seconds, which is unfortunately still 40-50 seconds longer than most people’s attention span. Did I learn something? Yes, but am I more confused now as a result? Also yes. That’s the price you pay for knowledge — the more you know, the more you realize you don’t now. Thankfully, I know very little in general so I feel like a real genius like the rest of the idiots.

Keep going for the video, as well as one of professor Kaku explaining how black holes distort time and space in case you want the rest of your mind blown.

Back with yet another genius(?) bike hack, engineer The Q went and replaced the wheels of his bike with steel-toed metal frames that each hold 16 Adventure Time Jake The Dog slippers in place of rubber tires. The result is surprisingly impressive, provided you just have to watch and listen to somebody else on the bike and not ride it yourself the seven miles to work and back everyday. That’s what the subway is for! Plus spreading the flu to everyone.

This is a video from the town of São Lourenço do Bairro in Anadia, Portugal, featuring 600,000 gallons of red wine flowing downhill through the streets after two giant storage tanks at the Destilaria Levira winery burst open. Could you imagine if you’d been out for a leisurely stroll when this happened? Well, I guess I’m day drinking today.

Seen here looking like a man who takes brushing seriously, this is a video of Georgia dentist Val Kolpakov showing off his Guinness World Record collection of toothpastes. There’s no denying it, dude has a lot of toothpaste. Me? I just have the one crumpled tube of Crest that I’ve been squeezing the last bit out of for a week now. “There’s always more” — that’s my motto. Until there isn’t. Then it’s “No kissing before bed.”

While investigating the waters of the Papahanaumokuakea Marine National Monument in Hawaii, the ROV Little Hercules spotted a rarely seen dumbo octopus just floating in the current. Apparently the marine biologists watching the feed were particularly happy to see this dumbo octopus, because the last one they spotted was in the process of being eaten. Hit it, Elton John! “B-B-B-Bennie and the Jets!” What — no, I was looking for ‘The Circle Of Life.’ What’s wrong with you?

Because everybody fantasizes about living in medieval times and being a knight or princess (why do you think Renaissance Faires are so popular? I was born to be a wizard), this is a video of bardcore musician Hildegard von Blingin’ performing a medieval cover of the Rolling Stones’ ‘Paint It Black’. She does a fantastic job, although she probably should have retitled the song ‘Paint It Black Death’. You know, to be period appropriate.