This is a video of skimboarder Adrien Raza blazing across a wide canal on his board with the ease of a knife through warm butter. Me? I would have fallen immediately and cut my knees up in the sand just like every other time I’ve tried skimboarding. “But there’s no sand in the video.” Trust me, my knees would have found it. When reached for comment about Adrien’s impressive skimboarding feat, local ducks attacked me thinking I had bread.

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