Presumably to give Gatorade a run for its money with Tunade (“Replenishes vital Omega-3’s after heavy thinking!”), culinary adventurer and Youtuber Ordinary Sausage decided to attempt carbonating tuna fish with a Philips soda maker. Yum! He says it tastes like sour tuna fish, which I believe. It also turned out incredibly watery due to the amount of liquid required. He still gave it 4/5 sausages though, leading me to believe this man is out of his mind or onto something. Do peanut butter and jelly next!

I love listening to experts discuss their subjects. They know so much! Me? I know very little about anything. And you know what they say about ignorance. “It’s bliss.” That can’t be right though because I’m miserable. This is a video from Epicurious of professional cheese expert Liz Thorpe reviewing all the cheeses available at Trader Joe’s (previously: a cheese connoisseur tasting 21 of the most expensive cheeses). I learned a lot by watching it. Mostly, that Trader Joe’s is a good place for cheese, which is great news because I love cheese and they’re opening one nearby. My life is about to change forever!

My top seven cheeses of the day in recommended tasting order are Chevre with Fine Herbs, Fromage Pave, Goat’s Milk Gouda-Style, Mini Basque, Unexpected Cheddar, Thousand Day Gouda, and Blue Stilton.

Mmmm, Thousand Day Gouda. I’m more of a Ten Thousand Day Gouda man myself, but that’s just me and I’m EXTRA FANCY. “Your fly is down.” I don’t even have to look to know you’re lying, because there’s no way I’m wearing pants at 9AM on a Wednesday.

Because some people actually bother putting their know-how to good use, this is a video of Youtuber Engineezy building and playing a physical version of the Flappy Bird video game. It’s a very impressive build, featuring pipes that rotate on a conveyor belt, randomly adjusting their height as a player attempts to flap their way through. It also dispenses different colored coins for achieving certain scores. I would totally play this at the arcade, especially if those coins were redeemable for a plushie to give my girlfriend. Did you know the creator of the original Flappy Bird removed it from app stores because “he felt guilty over what he considered to be the game’s addictive nature and overusage?” That’s wild, because if I were a betting man (which I am, keep an eye out for my bookie) I’d have bet 100% of the population would have sold that game for top dollar and not cared if it destroyed lives. Are we sure he’s even human? I’ll bet you he’s an alien.

This is a video of a shirtless best man (is there any other kind? You can only be good or better otherwise) at a wedding reception attempting an assisted front flip. Unfortunately for his teeth, he ends up over-rotating (clearly his friends torqued him too hard) and eating the dance floor. Thankfully, he appears inebriated enough to just swim away (presumably across the River Styx). Wow. Now I’ve been drunk at weddings before, but never shirtless front flip to floor tasting drunk. Also, that reception looks pretty dead. You think this was after-hours, or these were the first people to arrive after the ceremony and dude immediately went into shirtless flip mode? Because if this was before the appetizers, I can’t wait to hear his speech. PROTIP: If I were the groom I would food poison this loose cannon immediately, because there’s zero chance that speech won’t involve whatever happened in Vegas not staying in Vegas, and/or any of your big-breasted exes.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Connor O’Hare (@thehairyhare)

Because there’s nothing aliens love more than flat-footed dancing to bluegrass (don’t quote me on that, I’ve only met a few and there was a language barrier), this is a bluegrass cover of the Star Trek:The Next Generation theme by musicians Gordon Lustig (banjo, mandolin, guitar), Kevin Axt (bass) and Evan Price (fiddle). It’s a tasty jam, although they should have called it Star Trek: Peepaw’s Generation. Now, pass me a banjo and that rocket fuel and let’s party. “You mean actual rocket fuel, or the moonshine?” Doesn’t matter, we’re going blind either way.

Your children: they’re for embarrassing in front of their friends. Plus doing the chores you don’t want to do for a very meager allowance. Or no allowance at all. This is a video of father Matt (not a priest) and a group of his dad pals performing Alice Cooper’s ‘School’s Out’ in the driveway on the last day of school as his son Liam gets off the bus. Hey, better than him just waiting there to tell you to mow the lawn. *shrug* Now where’s your dad keep his weed?