Nostalgia is the train you ride when you want to go somewhere warmer and fuzzier. I try to live on that train like a hobo, but it doesn’t always work out and I’m left huddled around a barrel fire, trying to warm my hands on the heatless flames of reality. This is ‘Come Back To Firefox’, an ad for Firefox featuring eleven viral meme personas from the 2000s/2010s. I’ve been wondering what they were up to. Especially Bad Luck Brian. I was afraid to look him up because of his name but in my mind he was living his best life as Good Luck Brian. I’m glad to see they’re all doing well. Also, ‘Come Back to Firefox’? Like I ever left! “Yeah, you’re not using Firefox.” Then what is it? “It looks like the AOL dial-up browser they finally discontinued last year.” Hell yeah, MOM DON’T PICK UP THE PHONE.

Because what are we without synergy, Dustin Ballard of There I Ruined It created ‘LinkedIn Park’, a reimagining of Linkin Park’s ‘In The End’ with lyrics made from corporate jargon pulled directly from people’s LinkedIn profiles. Is it sad I could already sing along the first time I heard it? I feel like I’ve been living this song for years. The man is crushing my soul! “I thought you sold that.” Shhhhhhh — don’t tell the devil but I signed a friend’s name with my blood. Plus I only pretended to cut myself and used Heinz instead, so Dave probably won’t get eternally damned anyways.

Presumably between their courses in snowboarding and advanced hydroponics, researchers at the University Of Colorado Boulder have developed tattoo ink that remains invisible until activated with UV light, and can be deactivated again with bright white (visible) light. Currently being tested before commercial availability, PhotoTats use inks with “photochromic (light reactive) dye in tiny plexiglass spheres.” No clue exactly how that works, but now I can finally get that MOM heart tattoo I’ve always wanted but hide it when I’m home visiting!

Video below, which includes handwriting on a hidden blotch of ink with a UV pen, and using stencils to make different tattoos from the same hidden ink.

This is a video highlighting the vast amphibious collection of Susan Burgos, who was recently recognized by Guinness World Records as having the largest collection of frog memorabilia. Ribbit! The previous record was an already impressive 10,502, but Susan’s totals 13,201. That’s no tadpole! Susan even bought a second home with a large garage to store the collection. Wait, what?! Does, uh, does that collection need a roommate? Per Susan:

“I won’t add to it. I think it’s complete. I just feel totally fulfilled.”

And people say collecting doesn’t provide fulfillment — Susan is living proof! Sure it might take owning 13,000 of something, but still, there’s hope. Just a heads up though: if your collection is just old newspapers and non-nudie magazines you’re a hoarder, not a collector. There will never be any fulfillment, only a sad episode on A&E.

Because the great robot war can’t come soon enough, this is a video from Unitree of their H2-X ‘Kung Fu Legend: Guardian’ humanoid robot running around a junkyard performing a bunch of fighting moves it never should have been taught. These include punching and kicking cars, jumping down from a height of 13 feet, and a bunch of other spinny kicks and punches. Apparently about halfway through the video somebody flips the switch from destruction to protection mode though, and the robot defends a woman from a knife-wielding intruder with the power of intimidation (it does a jump kick), suspiciously lifts a car off a child dummy (without ripping the bumper off), and throws itself in front of a moving vehicle to push that same child out of the way (kid was wearing a different shirt but I could tell it was him — he needs to stay away from cars). Per Unitree:

“Powerful performance to serve and guard you, with a maximum endurance of approximately 8 hours.
Please use the robot safely and in a friendly manner.”

Yes, please use the robot safely and in a friendly manner. That’s like a beer company telling customers not to slam a dozen of their product in a row and start an impromptu backyard wrestling league. It’s nearly impossible. Now *crushing can on head* grab that folding chair and come at me!

This is a video from Apolda, Germany of a small fallen tree battling a power line. If you stare at it as long as i have you can convince yourself it’s actually a rift to another dimension beckoning you inside. Hold my mocktail. The tree appears to be losing spectacularly as it flames up in rhythm with the line’s power surges. Me? I also lose spectacularly. I…flip a lot of tables when board games don’t go my way. I’m also prone to calling everyone cheaters and demanding we play UFC instead. “Our friends don’t invite us to game night anymore.” Honey! Yeah but that’s because I got too drunk that night we played Catan and peed in Mark and Jen’s hall closet, remember? “I guess I was trying not to.” Forget I said anything.

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