Because nothing goes better with coal than a colorless, flavorless candy cane, this is the Bah, Humbug Candy Cane available from Archie McPhee. The 10.25-inch cane weighs 3.1-ounces and is void of “flavor, stripes, and Christmas Spirit.” They cost $4.50 apiece, which is a little bit more than I was

Seen here looking like some poor bastard just took a pipe hit so big it killed him, this is a video of propmakers Jaimie and Jay of Wicked Makers demonstrating how to make a simple slide so you can distribute Halloween candy to trick-or-treaters while maintaining proper social distancing protocols.

Because what good is Halloween if you can’t trick some treaters, these are the shitake mushroom flavored candy canes made and sold by Archie McPhee ($5.50 for a six-pack, regularly $6.50). Honestly, I’m not sure if I could even identify what shitake tastes like. “What about just shit?” Oh easy,

Because how can we even call this the future if we don’t have Willy Wonka’s Three Course Dinner Chewing gum yet, Brach’s has announced it will be releasing Turkey Dinner Candy Corn at Walgreens stores, packages containing six different flavored corns that taste like the various courses of a turkey