This is a video captured by a woman at her first southern pig race, which has all the gravitas of the Kentucky Derby, but without the silly hats. A couple of the pigs don’t even venture past the first turn, and even the winner (who stands at the finish line for a while before crossing) can only be described as slow at best. My girlfriend and I bet on the race before it started and now I owe her ‘all my love forever,’ making me seriously regret not just betting my car or a kidney.

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