Did you the Balloon World Cup is a real thing that exists? That was news to me when I first started writing this article. Now I feel like I’ve known it forever. Or it was all a dream. Or this is all a mistake. Anyway, this is a video of the Balloon World Cup final (clearly sponsored by Volkswagen, Mentos, and Doritos) featuring Peru vs Alemania in a battle to be the last one to hit the balloon upward before it touches the floor. It’s a pretty intense battle, with a particularly respectable volley beginning around 9:10 (where the video should start). So — what did you think? “They better not be getting paid for this.” You took the words right out of my penis.