Frozen penises and farts, clearly we’re covering all the hard-hitting posts today. This is a short video of a Chicago Bulls fan making a living statue break character by pulling up beside her and releasing a squeaker. As far as maturity level goes, this is clearly ground floor, maybe a

In news that just made my own penis want to pack up its balls and move south, Finnish skier Remi Lindholm suffered a frozen unit during the Beijing Winter Olympics men’s 50k cross-country event, which had already been reduced to 30k due to extreme temperatures and high winds. Apparently this

This is a video of a peach rumped monkey (not official name) attempting to use a smartphone that was dropped into the monkey pit at the San Diego Zoo. Hello, Rescue Rangers? Get me out of here! Just kidding, it was probably trying to order some hair-growth serum off Amazon

This is a video of truck lover ‘Miche Mike’ driving a truck that’s been jacked up so high he can’t see “any car smaller than a crossover” immediately in front of it, as evidenced by the Corvette visible through the truck’s front camera, but not windshield. For reference, I can

Because there’s a market for absolutely everything, this is the Kickstarter for ‘The Brow’, a pair of $45 sun-shaders that are worn like sunglasses but don’t have any lenses, instead shielding your eyes via little brow-level visors. Where was Oakley on this? These look right up their alley. Obviously, these

This is a video from adventure seeker Lauren Rowe, who recently went parasailing in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico and accidentally slipped out of her harness seat and is left dangling with a wedgie that puts the atomic variety to shame. Ouch. Nice view though. At least there’s that. I mean

If you thought you had a bad Valentine’s Day, this is some apartment lobby security cam footage of TikTok user chemaelgoofy trying to bring flowers, a balloon, and chocolate covered strawberries into the building, when his balloon gets stuck in the door, and things quickly unravel from there, leaving him

This is a 60-second (almost quadruple the average human’s attention span) sweded remake of Alien, as shot by the filmmakers at Canada’s Folks Films. They did a good job, and I would watch a full-length version if they made one. Granted I wouldn’t pay full ticket price to see it