This is a short video of a beautiful African grey parrot named Kanji doing his best squeaky toy impression whenever his caretaker gives him a gently squeeze. Now that — that is a spot-on impression. Maybe not as good as the impression I do of a man who just accidentally stabbed himself with a samurai sword but *wildly swinging sword with zero skill or coordination* I think you’ll find the blood quite convincing as well.

Thanks to Abby L, who agrees whatever you do, don’t teach it that unholy screaming rubber chicken noise.