Because some people actually have the gumption to see their ridiculous ideas through to fruition instead of abandoning them the morning after the “scribbled on a bar napkin” phase, this is a video of Youtuber Scotty Cranmer and friends riding the pogo stick bike they constructed. Instead of wheels it has two pogo sticks, so it doesn’t roll, it only bounces. Could you imagine if you had to ride this four miles to work everyday? My guess is you’d get fired for showing up Tuesday afternoon for work on Monday.

3 years in the making, this is a 3-minute timelapse of various species of edible mushrooms growing (all mushrooms are edible if you don’t mind being a ghost), filmed in macro by photographer Jens Heidler of Youtube channel Another Perspective, who grew the mushrooms in his basement over the past 1,000 days. You know, I’ve grown mushrooms in my basement too. *wink* You catch my drift? “You mean magic mushrooms.” No, I mean there was a leak that I never told the landlord about and had to move out in the middle of the night.

Thanks to my dad, who agrees mushrooms are nature’s little alien delicacy.

This is a video of dancer S (aka Stephane Deheselle) performing a routine and demonstrating his wildly impressive flexibility with moves that can only be described as almost unbelievable. Does he even have any joints? I have joints. And they all start aching the moment I wake up. I’M OLD. “You’re not that old, you just don’t care care of yourself.” My doctor, everybody! I steal his tongue depressors and gauze to make crafts at home.

This is a video from Instagram user and rollerblader the_stuttering_skater providing a follow-cam for roller skater dev2me as he flies through a tunnel in reverse. Such control. For reference, I’m an incredible roller skater (I really am), but only going forwards. I’ve just never been able to master skating in reverse. Or peeing over my shoulder at a urinal. I think it’s something about looking backwards.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Ari | Rollerblader (@the_stuttering_skater)

Thanks to JustA, one of the few people since grade school who’s witnessed my skills on roller skates.

This is the entirety of The Clash’s 1979 album London Calling, but nothing but the lead vocals, as isolated by recording engineer ieatmdf. Wait — medium-density fibreboard? That can’t be a healthy diet. If you’re a Clash fan the video is definitely worth a listen — I particularly liked hearing just the vocals of ‘Jimmy Jazz’ and ‘Spanish Bombs.’ But maybe you’ll hate it, they do say opposites attract and there has to be a reason you and I get along so well. “Your parents pay me to hang out with you.” In the back of my mind I knew it, I just did’t want to admit it to myself.

This is some home security cam footage from somewhere monkeys live of a group breaking into a home, stealing mangoes from the fridge, then escaping to the garage before the homeowners reach the kitchen and realize they’ve been robbed. I’ve got the feeling these monkeys have done this before. I’d also like them to join my crew for my next heist. Obviously we won’t be stealing cheap mangoes though. Pink pineapples — that’s where the real money is at. At least if the price at my local grocery store that made me spit-take is any indication.