An insult to pastry chefs the world over, the Bakon Cake Decorator (officially the Bakon Piston Depositor with Cake Decorating Option) can spread the icing on layered cakes with enough precious and evenness to presumably avoid any 1-star Yelp reviews. That’s cool, but I prefer my cakes iced the old fashioned way: by a sweet old grandmotherly lady at the bakery. And if it happens to have a few gray hairs in it, what’s the big deal? I eat off the floor at home with zero regard for the 5-second rule. With the amount of dog hair I eat in a month you could probably make a sweater.

This is a video of actor Therese Plummer performing an absolutely award-worthy 1-star Yelp review for Dunkin’ Donuts. She’s good, she’s REALLY good. That bagel the customer got did sound pretty lame though, nobody wants hardly any cream cheese that appears to have been spread with a finger. Well, maybe I shouldn’t say NOBODY. *at Dunkin’ drive-thru* I’d like an everything bagel with just a spot of cream cheese…and are you wearing shoes and socks that you can slip off easily?

Hot on the flying heels of his previously posted Superman toy attached to a drone video come these ones from Petr N of an X-wing making an improvised Death Star Trench Run, and a speeder bike zipping around in the forests of Endor. I don’t know about you, but it really made me want a nice drone. “You’d just fly it into a tree.” You don’t know that, honey! “Really? What happened to the last three expensive drones you bought?” I told you, there’s a learning curve! Those controls are really touchy when you have no clue what you’re doing.

Keep going for the videos, the last of which features an X-wing crash.

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A post shared by Petr N (@czechmyfpv)

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A post shared by Petr N (@czechmyfpv)

This is a video of Major League Soccer’s Real Salt Lake player Aaron Herrera in a match against Atlas FC taking the ball after a couple passes from a toss-in and, spotting the goalie way outside the box, blasting one ito the back of the net from about 70 yards out. That has to feel good. For him, not for the goalie. Unfortunately, Herrera’s goal was the only one scored by Salt Lake to their opponent’s 2, so they still lost. Remember: soccer isn’t a distance competition, it’s strictly quantity.

Because music is everywhere (except my apartment building, which is a cacophony), this is a video of musician Publio Delgado remixing the sound of a dripping faucet into several different styles of musical groove. And speaking of grooves– “You’re going to tell us how you got yours back?” God no, I’m not sure I even had a groove to begin with. I’ve got a hell of a bunion on my right foot though, I have to wear two different sized shoes because of it. Do you have any idea how hard it is to sell single Asics on eBay?

This is a short video of an incredibly fast conveyor belt sorting machine doing its thing, its thing being sorting objects into specific cardboard boxes, presumably to still get sent to the wrong address or lost in the mail after all its hard work. Where are the sex toys I ordered months ago?! “In your butt?” You’re funny. Funny and smart.