This is the $12 Magic Tap, a battery operated automatic drink dispenser “with a universal cap that fits most containers” so you can dispense milk or juice or anything else from a large-mouth bottle with the press of your glass against its lever. That way you don’t even have to remove the bottle from the fridge! That’s great. Now if we could just figure out how to attach these things to nipples we could make a fortune selling them as breast pumps. *tapping head* I’m a thinker. “Wait did you say thinker or shitbrain idiot?” They don’t even rhyme.

This is what appears to be a legit video from Huntsville, Alabama (my old stomping grounds!) of a forklift operator dropping a pallet load of mulch onto a trailer and absolutely wrecking that poor bastard. What the hell was the endgame here? Is that what he was trying to do?
According to the video description, “The forklift operator told him he does this every day just before this happens.” Does what everyday, f*cks people’s trailers up? Because, believe me, if that were a job I would have it, and I would be the very best.

Thanks to Josh J, who agrees the easiest way isn’t always the best way.

This is a short video of a 1967 Cadillac DeVille convertible that’s been outfitted with custom Colt .45 Peacemaker replica car door handles. I like how you have to press the cylinder to open the door, that’s pretty cool. To open my car door? You have to pull the zip-tie leading into the hole where the handle used to be. Sure it might not be as cool, but you have to admit it is equally unique.

This is the Grinch arm Christmas tree accessory handmade and sold by Etsy shop Craftadaykeepdocaway (can anybody verify that claim? my deductible is killing me). The $55 arms are attached to your tree via two strong wires and make the perfect accessory for the Grinch lover on your holiday list. Per one verified buyer:

Hoho, nice try Mrs. Claus, but I know that’s you! Twelve themed trees around the house — my goodness. I can almost smell the Christmas cookies baking from here and it’s only October. So, uh, is it too early to open a present? Come on just one I promise!

This is a short video from Belfast, Northern Ireland of 8-year old dog Brewster requesting access to the living room and 17-year old cat Kit denying that request. I’m not sure what would happen if Brewster built up the courage to just try and pass, but probably a paw to the face. Cats are mean. And 17 years old? That cat isn’t going to change its ways. That’s like 84 in human years and my great aunt still calls cars horseless carriages.

Thanks to Christina D, who agrees cats would make great bouncers.

These are a couple video demonstrations of musician Anthony Dickens’ Circle Guitar, a guitar with a rapidly spinning disk that strums the strings, so a performer only has to fret. There are also buttons that activate various effects, and the guitar is MIDI and DAW compatible. Some more info about the player guitar while I call Anthony, yell ‘Free Bird!’, and hang up:

Whoa — pushing guitar playing into new, unexplored territories?! I’d make sure to load up on beef jerky and bring a gun if I were you. “We’re talking about playing guitar, not trekking to the other side of a strange new continent.” Fine, you can borrow my bear whistle, but you better name a mountain range or river after me.