This is a video from (I can only assume) Florida, right after an old man assaults a construction worker, who starts to call the sheriff’s office while the elderly Duke brother attempts to make a quick getaway but crashes his mobility scooter into the grass instead. The “Uuuuugh!” heard round the world. Or at least through my computer speakers forty times in a row. How do you make a sound from an Instagram video your ringtone?

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Thanks to JustA, who knows exactly what I like, and this is it.

This is a compilation video of the reps of various car manufacturers providing the correct pronunciation of the brand so I can finally stop saying Porsche wrong. Boy is my face red! “And bloated.” I think I’m having an allergic reaction to something I ate.

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This is some doorbell cam footage of a snake hanging from the porch door of a home and biting a man on the head when he tries to enter. As far as security systems go, this isn’t a bad one. It would probably help keep all those “Do you have a minute to talk about our Lord and Savior?” folks at a distance too, being a serpent and all. I also included a video from earlier in the evening of the snake attempting to strike another man but missing, the guy completely oblivious. I wonder how many times I’ve been attacked but not known it. My guess is in the millions. Especially if you count playing video games with the chat muted.

This is a video highlighting pet bearded dragon Percy’s affection for one particular grey and peach colored Puma sock. Me? I don’t wear socks and my shoes always smell like garbage. TRUE STORY: One time in college they smelled so bad I stretched them out under the desk in front of me and the girl who sat there started retching.

Every time he sees his sock he runs towards it because he’s obsessed with that specific specific [sock]…he drags it around my room so that he can find the perfect spot to cuddle with it.

So when it comes to laundry day Percy, does not like that he watches me put it in the laundry I have to keep it clean for him because he does roll around with it. so if I put the sock in the wash, he gets all confused then he begins looking for his sock. He ends up running after me as if he’s mad at me for putting it in the laundry. And then when it’s all done and clean, his reaction is priceless.

Yeah, I’m not sure who needs to hear this (presumably his owner), but that’s a love sock. He’s having sex with it. Trust me, I used to have an iguana when I was younger and he had a love shoe. Usually whichever one I was wearing at the time. HIYO, narrate that, David Attenborough!

This is a video of a little Bichon Frisé that’s learned how to launch an elastic hair band off its snout, and proceeds to entertain itself chasing it and repeating the process over and over. At least until it lands the hair band on top of a table and requires human intervention. I wish my dogs could entertain themselves with hair bands, because they are NEEDY. If you’re not paying attention to them, they’re demanding you pay attention to them. I think they picked that up from my girlfriend.

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Thanks to my dad, who agrees one of the greatest dog tricks of all time is trying to sneakily drink your Frosty while you’re driving.

On display at Bricks Cascade 2023 in Portland, Oregon, this massive Jurassic World LEGO build was constructed by a dedicated team of LEGO and Jurassic Park enthusiasts, complete with a giant volcano, moving vehicles, numerous buildings, and a ton of dinosaurs and minifigs. Could you imagine if this was in my playroom? I’d never leave! I mean I never leave anyways, but why would I — it has a mini-fridge and attached bathroom! “Is your playroom also your bedroom?” It can be both.

Thanks to my dad, who agrees you’re never too old to LEGO and/or dinosaur.