This is some home security cam footage of a FedEx delivery driver following the instructions on a jocular yard sign to ‘STAY ON GRASS’. At first I thought he was dodging cracks to avoid breaking his mother’s back, but no, he was just being courteous. That’s nice. For reference, I recently had a delivery driver back over my mailbox, then erroneously deliver my package to a neighbor. I kindly asked for it back, but Mr. Atkins pretended like he didn’t know what I was talking about. Now ten buck says he’s taking an ambulance ride by the end of the week — not everyone’s heart is cut out for the homebrew sexual enhancement pills my buddy Boner Bill makes.

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