Get out of here, Cocaine Bear!
Moose Repeatedly Trees Bear Coming After Her Calves

This is a video of a mother moose (not to be confused with Mother Goose, who would be far less effective at scaring away a bear) repeatedly treeing a black bear nearing her calves. Moose: they’re huge and you don’t want to mess with them. They’re not deer, you can’t sneak behind them and try to ride them. I mean you can, but, okay — you ever gotten moose tracks ice cream on your face? The real deal is far less pleasant. The doctor can’t just wipe it off with a warm paper towel. Your nose, yes.