I'm not putting my hand anywhere near that thing.
Posable Super Mario Piranha Plant Desk Lamp

This is the Super Mario Piranha Plant desk lamp available from Target for $35 (also available other places, but $35 was the cheapest price I saw). The plant’s stalk is fully posable so you can shine its focused white LED light right where you need it. Are you going to use to illuminate a textbook while you pull an all-nighter, or read comics under the covers without disturbing your significant other? You know I used to do that whenever I couldn’t sleep at night. Except replace comics with– “Nudie magazines.” Honey! “What?” *frantically looking under bed* Where did you do with them?!