This is the $35 Stretch Clock available for preorder from almost object (shipping April 2021, if there IS an April 2021), a large rubber band with the workings of an analog clock attached along its length with the numbers 3 and 9 printed to the sides (with 12 and 6 printed on the reverse if you prefer to display the clock vertically). Available in black or sand, you just stretch the hefty 19.5-inch band around the object of your choosing and the next thing you know, BAM, you’re telling time on a log. Now — are you thinking what I’m thinking? “Does it involve trying to make a clock out of your belly?” How did you know?! “I can see the giant welt where the rubber band snapped.” That shit hurt.