This is a video of a woman making the mistake of stepping on a convertible sleeper sofa while making it for a coworker and getting swallowed up by the thing. Why was the person filming — did they know this was going to happen? Regardless, she proceeds to laugh (along with the person filming, who does some solid snorting as well) from inside the belly of the beast, something I can’t imagine Jonah doing much of after getting swallowed by that whale. Me? I’m not sitting around in a whale for three days praying, I would have climbed right out of that sucker. “Mouth or butthole?” BLOWHOLE.

This is a video of Youtuber and “science dude” Joe Myheck making a mermaid crown by pouring molten Nordic gold (a gold-colored alloy of copper, aluminum, zinc, and tin) into a trash can filled with Orbeez beads. The result is beautiful, and there’s no doubt in my mind that crown would get a special shelf in Ariel’s grotto. She loves stuff made on dry land.

This is a hype video from the Invisibility Shield Company highlighting the second generation of their invisibility shield, and offering it for sale on Kickstarter. The shield, while not perfect, does provide an impressive amount of invisibility immediately behind it. And right now you can get a 40″ x 28″ shield for around $378, or a massive 72″ x 48″ for $883. The shield works by bending the light behind it, so objects directly behind appear invisible, and objects further in the background appear as blurry representations of themselves. Not bad, and the price isn’t terrible, especially if you consider it an investment in bank robbing.

Because a first day on the job is always chockfull of pitfalls, this is a video of a man tripping down the stairs and accidentally pulling the fire alarm on his first day at a new gig. Those fire doors shut QUICK. I doubt he was fired for the incident, but I can’t imagine him being fast-tracked for a corner office either. “Kid’s a liability,” I imagine his boss noting while putting his file in the “Never to be promoted” pile.

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Thanks to JustA, who agrees stairs can be tricky.

This is a video captured by wildlife artist Robert E Fuller of a winter murmuration of starlings at dusk at the Ripon City Wetlands in Yorkshire, England (love your pudding!). Per Robert: “Starling murmurations are one of Britain’s greatest wildlife spectacles. Studies suggest the birds congregate in great swirling masses to confuse predators.” Confuse predators, or BLOW MY MIND? Bird murmurations are the new cloud watching. Plus you get so many different shapes so quickly you can save yourself from laying on your back in the park all afternoon. That way you can quickly get back inside to stare at a screen for the rest of the day.

Because harebrained schemes are all the rage these days, a Texas high school teacher and Army veteran formally known as Dustin Ebey has legally changed his name to Literally Anybody Else and is running for president. Well, he’s got my vote! I mean, if I could vote. Stupid felonies. Some details about Dusti– I mean Literally’s, cause:

“I don’t care as much about winning the Oval Office, but it is important that the message gets through to…the powers that be, who decide who ends up on the ballot,” he told The Hill Wednesday. “Ultimately, that’s what I’m fighting against. ‘Literally anybody else’ should not be as popular as it is.”

“This isn’t about me, ‘Literally Anybody Else,’ more so as it is an idea. We can do better out of 300 million people for president,” he first told WFAA88 earlier this week.

Ah, so he’s making a statement and doesn’t actually expect to win. Big shocker there. Also, how do I know this guy isn’t just trying to draw votes away from one of the candidates to help the other win? Nice try, but I watched Scandal, I know how politics work.