This is a clip from the Sir David Attenborough series Frozen Planet II highlighting the life of the world’s most northern-living turtle, the painted turtle. The turtles actually freeze in the winter and their hearts stop beating (leaving only their brains operating at bare minimum), but defrost and comes back to life when the spring arrives. That’s nuts. Like, completely nuts. Do you think they winter in heaven when their hearts aren’t beating?! The stories they could tell! Now we just need to Ninja Turtle a few of them so we can hear those stories.

Left confused by the viral butter candle craze (there’s been an edible butter candle craze in case you’ve been blissfully unaware), this is a video of somebody’s uncle dipping a finger into and taste testing what could be either mashed potatoes with pools of burning butter, or a wax candle. And it’s a wax candle. Still, based on his reaction, I’ve get the feeling this isn’t the worse candle he’s ever eaten, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he went back to double-dip that finger later.

@barstoolsports Unc had to test it 💀 @Lowering The Bar (via:@Cody Rhoden ♬ original sound – Barstool Sports

Thanks to JustA, who agrees this is the guy you want along when you’re lost in woods and all you can find are sketchy looking mushrooms to eat.

Because I’m sure we all ate our fair share of Play-Doh in our youths, this is a video of artist Mong Sweets preparing a delicious looking 4-course meal entirely out of the modeling compound. Yum! Would I eat it? I still eat the fake rubber grapes every time I see them at T.J. Maxx, don’t I? My girlfriend thinks it’s disgusting because of all the kids that squeeze them, but it’s just one of the many ways I build up my immunity so I don’t get sick. Same goes for breathing deeply in airport bathrooms. “Does it work?” Haven’t been sick since 2008, not even a sniffle.

This is a video of a man at karaoke summoning the spirit of Earl Simmons to perform a near spot-on rendition of ‘X Gon’ Give It To Ya’. He really does do an exemplary job (it’s the voice), and if I can figure out where this bar this is (Florida?), you better believe I’m going to be there next week to see this man perform live, and sing my own eye-watering cover of Natalie Imbruglia’s ‘Torn’.

You’re not gonna guess what song he crushes at karaoke

Dudes rock pic.twitter.com/A6p0olkPKd

— Kristi Yamaguccimane (@TheWapplehouse) March 10, 2024

This is a video of Youtuber Island Vibe Cooking providing a copycat recipe for McDonald’s chicken nuggets. Weird, I didn’t see any pink slime in the recipe. I always assumed the recipe would just be 1) acquire bag of pink slime and 2) fry pink slime in the shape of a boot. Island Vibe says this recipe is even better though because you know what’s in it (valid) and more flavorful — just not any healthier. And that’s okay with me, when I’m getting my nug on I’m not thinking about eating healthy, I’m just thinking about trying to beat my personal best of 86 nuggies in one sitting.

This is a chart detailing what job markets are likely to be impacted the greatest by the use of new artificial intelligence automation tools. Well, at least according to the number crunchers at Visual Capitalist, who may in fact by AI programs themselves. Is it accurate? I have no clue. But *propping feet up on toilet paper roll dispenser in stall in preparation for a nap* at least it looks like people who aren’t even sure what they do at work are safe for the time being. My complete lack of skills and ass-backwards way of doing things you can’t teach a computer.