This is a video of a skateboarder forming an extremely low budget Voltron by combining his skateboard with a milk crate, then ollieing the whole thing over two obstacles. Impressive! He definitely thought outside the box for this trick. Outside the box, but on the crate. Wocka wocka wocka! I need a drink. Maybe turpentine.

To celebrate his birthday, Moose the chocolate lab had some friends over to the park to bark and chase each other and his owner Hannah Helsel made him a pinata that opens with the pull of a dangling tennis ball, and is filled with even MORE tennis balls. Dogs love those things! Mine like chewing all the green hair off the outside so I can see it their poop later. Fun!

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by MOOSE the Chocolate Lab (@mr.chocolate.moose)

This is a video detailing how contact lenses are manufactured at the DK Medivision factory. There’s nobody explaining what’s happening at any given moment, so you have to sort of figure it out on your own. You know, CREATE YOUR OWN NARRATIVE. From what I could gather, contacts are actually made from harvesting the eyeballs of robots. Crazy, I know! But no wonder they’re so expensive.

Because who doesn’t want a steaming hot cup of ramen in the morning, Nissin Foods USA is selling a limited edition of Cup Noodle at Walmart that’s maple syrup pancakes, sausage and egg flavored. Like, all those flavors combined into one. SOUNDS GOOD. The cup includes real dehydrated bits of sausage and egg, along with pancake and maple syrup flavoring, along with the traditional noodles. Is your mouth watering? My mouth is watering! I’m going to go to my local Walmart and buy all of them. Then I’m going to have a cup of these battle a bowl of Wheaties in my stomach to determine who’s the real breakfast of champions.

Because I’m sure “What did woolly mammoth taste like?” is the question on everyone’s minds, Australian cultured meat startup Vow has created a “mammoth meatball,” growing the meat using long-extinct mastodon DNA. That’s…something. Something I’m sure will be popping up on the menus at only the most exclusive restaurants. Or, who knows, maybe this is all a gimmick and that meatball is just a molded elephant turd. That’s what I would have done.

This is a local news report featuring security cam footage of 57-year old Michael Mastin of Baton Rouge, Louisiana relieving himself into one of the water treatment tanks at the Donaldsonville water plant, where he worked. Unfortunately for him, the act proved detrimental to his career, and he was fired and arrested for “two counts of contaminating water supplies and two counts of criminal damage to a critical infrastructure.” Authorities insured local residents not to worry though, and that multiple tests of the water supply “continued to meet safe drinking requirements,” leading me to speculate just what those requirements are. It’s liquid, and it’s clear-ish, I think we’re good here. The video also includes an interview at the end with a local man who apparently doesn’t care who pees in his water. Valuable information if you’ve been itching to pee in somebody’s water.