This is a clip from Penn & Teller: Fool Us of magician Axel Adler performing a three-legged routine, with each leg appearing to be an actual, functional leg. Of course one isn’t. Or maybe the trick is that all three are actually bionic legs. Regardless, I have three legs myself, you know. “You’re talking about your pe–” Yes I am. If it touches the ground when you get out of bed in the morning, it’s a leg, I don’t care what the biology books say. And don’t even get me started on that new math.

This is a video from a Malaysian police maneuvers demonstration of a police boat captain exhibiting his incredible control of the ship by performing an almost drift-style dock at high speed. That was impressive. Could I have done it? I could have tried, but it would have almost certainly ended with a Dukes Of Hazzard style boat jump into the horrified audience. Still, you don’t know till you try — now which one of these levers is the throttle?

Thanks to my dad, who agrees this captain would have made a great pirate.

This is a video of two cats playing with a rubber band and litter box door edited by musician French Fuse to perform the White Stripes’ 2003 banger ‘Seven Nation Army’. If there was ever a good reason the internet was invented, this is it. Al Gore probably couldn’t fathom it at the time, but this is the pinnacle of internet achievement. We can turn it off now.

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Built by Xiaomi Global, CyberOne is a full-size bipedal humanoid robot capable of, among other things, some basic drumming. It might not be able to perform a face-melting solo that will end with underwear being thrown on stage, but robots have little interest in underwear anyways. Me? Underwear has always been a passion of mine. I do work for an underwear company, after all. Culprit Underwear: the buttery softest, coolest boxers money can buy. Hopefully I get a raise for that!

This is a video of Quint the tuxedo cat unknowingly becoming a boss battle in Metroid: Other M after he decided to sit in front of the television. I can’t even tell you how many times one of my cats has decided to stand on the entertainment center in front of the television and made me lose a game, even though I could have just hit pause and am really just using them as a scapegoatcat since I was going to die anyways, because button-mashing doesn’t always work. Now I don’t want to go too deep into details about the angry emails I write Playstation, but I think every game should have a mode easier than very easy.

Because they deserve it (and so much more), this is a video of rescue dogs at Dogs Trust Ireland (Ireland’s largest canine welfare organization) getting to pick their own Christmas present toys. They’re each introduced to a room full of tons of different toys, and they get to choose whichever one they want. Awwwww! Buddy, a larger senior dog we recently fostered and ended up adopting, isn’t allowed to have stuffed-animal style toys anymore because he eats them. Like, ALL of them. You ever seen a dog poop the entirety of an alligator’s head before? It’s not something you forget, especially not on your bed.