This is an animation of The Mandalorian according to married animator couple Lindsay and Alex Small-Butera (aka SmallBu), who allegedly haven’t watched the series, and only gathered information about the plot from what their friends have said about the show on Twitter. If that’s true, it’s pretty spot-on. But is it true? I have no clue (although they certainly know what all the characters look like), this is the internet after all — you can’t trust anything you see or hear. Unless it’s about my penis and it’s flattering, those are all true. Like, the sort of truth you could bet your life on.

@smallbuanimation

What I think the Mandolorian is About ##mandolorian ##themandolorian ##StarWars ##babyyoda ##grogu ##animation ##funny ##cute ##parody ##fyp

♬ original sound – Smallbu Animation

This is a short video of radiated tortoise (named because of the starburst patterns on their shells) Turnip shaking her rump while she receives a shower at the Tennessee Aquarium. Radiated tortoises have actually been documented doing this sort of rain dance during periods of heavy precipitation in their native Madagascar. How about that! Now it might look like a slow wiggle to us, but that’s actually fast for a tortoise and if she posted this on reptile TikTok there’s no doubt in my mind that all four of the Ninja Turtles would be trying to slide into her DMs right now.

This is ‘Taking A Risk: Stunning Stunts’, a 15-minute compilation of people doing things that can only be described as “things you probably shouldn’t.” Stuff like parachute skiing, jumping off a cruise ship, some real white-knuckle parkour building jumping, slack-lining, cliff jumping, wingsuit flying, and more. But they all have one thing in common: they’re things I would never do because I love my mom and don’t want her worried sick about me. Well, except for the guy in his front yard with the yo-yo and giant hula hoop at the very end. That looks way more my speed. Also like it doesn’t belong in this video.

This is a US map detailing each state’s least favorite other state, as according to Instagram user mattsurelee’s 398,000 followers, so you know it’s accurate. Now I was born in West Virginia, and have lived in Alabama, Florida, Maryland, Virginia, Pennsylvania, California and New York, and as much as it pains me to admit, I think it may be time to move to New Jersey and finally join my people.

Imissmybar.com is an interactive website that allows you to use a series of sliders to recreate the ambient noise of your favorite bar. Well, for relatively boring, traditional bars at least. There was no slider for the amount of video games and pinball machines being played or shots being taken so you’d have a hard time recreating Blipsy Bar in Koreatown, Los Angeles. I do miss that bar. And apparently a lot of other people are really missing their bars during the pandemic too because the website’s bandwidth was exceeded every time I tried to visit. I just refreshed in vain like twenty times, now I need a drink.

In other realistic face mask news, Japanese artist and mask maker Shuhei Okawara is selling hyperrealistic face masks of his own and other people’s faces (links to his online store). While he never says his intention is to stick it to Big Brother, he does confirm the masks have been used successfully in the past to breach facial recognition systems. Okawara started his ‘That Face’ project last year selling a 105% version of his own face for ~$743, recently buying the rights to other Tokyo residents’ likenesses for as little as $383, and selling 3-D printed hard copies of their faces for $934. He refuses to go into any more detail of how exactly the masks are made though, mentioning, “the details of the process are a trade secret.” So, is Okawara actually the Happy Mask Salesman from The Legend Of Zelda: Majora’s Mask? I have my doubts, but my convictions far outweigh them so yes this is definitely him. Obviously *phone beeps, reads text message* wait — what does my girlfriend mean ‘Does he make a Jason Statham model?’

Keep going for two videos.