This is a video of Joseph of Joseph’s Machines (previously) demonstrating the elaborate alarm clock and human car wash was he constructed to get him out of bed, washed, dressed, and out the door in just under two minutes. That’s impressive. For reference, it generally takes me about six hours to leave the house after waking up, and that’s assuming I don’t swing by the sofa for a lil’ napper on the way out the door.

Thanks to JustA, who agrees that a dog that’s about to poop on the floor — now that’s how you get up and out the door in a hurry.

This is a video of chocolatier Amaury Guichon (previously) constructing an entire bar out of edible chocolate, complete with stools, faux wood paneling, marble countertop, and bar accessories. The bar was made as a promotion for Bailey’s Irish Cream. And you know how I feel about Bailey’s! “Actually, I don’t.” And you never will! HAHA — I’M TAKING IT TO THE GRAVE.

This is a video of a worker slipping and falling off a roof carrying a load over one shoulder and landing perfectly on his feet. Is he a cat? Maybe. As far as falling off a roof goes, things certainly could have gone a lot worse. But, minus not falling off in the first place, not much better. I mean unless this is was the accident that made him realize he had wings. And not angel wings either, just to be clear.

What area did that guy just unlock????
byu/YanniFromPakistanni inwhatcouldgoright

Thanks to my dad, who agrees you should always hope for a soft landing.

This is a video of pool trick shot artist Florian “Venom” Kohler (crazy, I never would have pegged him for a Venom) discussing his skills, and demonstrating how to make a few shots. Florian, the proud recipient of numerous Guinness World Records, estimates he’s invented over 10,000 new tricks, most of which are different variations of sting, machine gun, and satellite shots. That’s cool. So, if you ever see Florian in a pool hall DO NOT challenge him to a trick shot contest unless you want to lose all your money. The man knows his way around a pool table. Around an actual pool? I’d school this fool at Marco Polo.

This is a video of Otis the tamandua anteater at the San Diego Zoo showing off his 16-inch tongue as he grabs some grubs at the bottom of a giant clear straw. Damn, that tongue is wild. Could you imagine if you had a tongue like that? I can’t. I mean how could you keep it out of other people’s drinks at the bar? I wish I had a tongue like that.

@sandiegozoo Ain't nobody tryna see you Otis (yes they are) #tamandua #animalsoftiktok #sandiegozoo ♬ original sound – San Diego Zoo

Back before Bryan Cranston was a New Mexico drug manufacturer, he was the father of a dysfunctional California family in Malcolm In The Middle. And this is a compilation of 47 movie references featured in the show, played side-by-side with the movie they reference, as compiled by filmmaker Zamir A. Hernandez. A full list with timestamps to take up a lot of space:

00:00 – Fight Club (1999)
00:04 – Risky Business (1983)
00:06 – Psycho (1960)
00:14 – The Shining (1980)
00:16 – Forrest Gump (1994)
00:18 -Say Anything (1989)
00:25 – Pet Sematary (1989)
00:33 – Charriots of Fire (1981)
00:39 – Men In Black (1997)
00:47 -The Matrix (1999)
00:50 – THX (1971)
00:54 – Gremlins (1984)
00:58 – Peanuts tv show (1950 – 2000)
01:00 – Godzilla (1954)
01:06 – Titanic (1997)
01:09 – A Streetcar Named Desire (1951)
01:12 – Final Destination (2000)
01:21 – Aliens (1986)
01:24 – Classic Kung fu movies
01:27 – The Karate Kid (1984)
01:30 – The Shining (Book)
01:32 – The Lone Ranger (1949-1957)
01:36 – Rambo First Blood (1982)
01:38 – The Silence of the Lambs (1991)
01:40 – Friday the 13th Part III (1982)
01:41 – Freaks (1932)
01:43 – Star Trek (1966-1969)
01:46 – Halloween H20 (1998)
01:49 – Stuart Little (1999)
01:54 – 007 James Bond Moonraker (1979)
02:00 – Scarface (1983)
02:02 – 007 James Bond Moonraker (1979
02:06 – Monkey Shines (1988)
02:13 – Star Wars The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
02:20 – The Godfather (1972)
02:24 – Goodfellas (1990)
02:28 – Scarface (1983)
02:24 – Goodfellas (1990)
02:32 – Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977)
02:43 – Thelma & Louise (1991)
02:50 – Braveheart (1995)
02:55 – Full Metal Jacket (1987)
03:03 – Short Time (1990) Spoof to car chases scenes
03:11 – Psycho (1960)
03:14 – Pearl Harbor (2000)
03:22 – Indiana Jones Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)
03:34 – Indiana Jones And the Temple of Doom (1984)

There were some real goodies in there. Zamir admits there were probably even more that he missed, but these were the ones he was able to identify on his own. I mean it’s not like he’s seen every movie. Right? You haven’t seen every movie, right? I mean the amount of erotica alone is mindblowing.