This is a clip from some divers exploring the waters off the coast of Toyooka, Japan when they swam across a rarely seen giant squid. Just look at that thing! It’s easy to see now how stories of the kraken came to be. The squid, likely a juvenile only a year or two old, measured between 8 and 10 feet in length, which, as far as squids go, is entirely too long as far as I’m concerned. The only thing I want to see 8 or 10 feet long is a party hoagie, and I hope you brought your appetite.

Because raccoons are nature’s ninjas, these are several videos from wildlife rehabilitator Angie Renée of a bunch of raccoons playing on, and trying to climb up, a playground slide. That looks like a good time, and I’m going to pretend I’m not upset that I wasn’t invited to this trash panda party, even though I’m hurting deeply inside. What is it about me that makes people want to not invite me to parties? “You just drink all the liquor and alienate people.” Well you’re not wrong, but it still doesn’t feel good to hear.

@angablina Complete Chaos😂🦝 #raccoon #chaos #amazonsavingspree #trashpanda #funny #raccoonsoftiktok #fyp #viral #slide #animals #cute #partyhouse #fratparty #partyhardy ♬ Jackass – TV Theme Players

@angablina constant shitshow 😂 #partyhardy #fratparty #partyhouse #cute #animals #slide #viral #fyp #raccoonsoftiktok #funny #trashpanda #amazonsavingspree #chaos #raccoon ♬ Mission Impossible (Main Theme) – Favorite Movie Songs

@angablina Replying to @fuertesurfer ask & you shall receive 😂 #raccoon #chaos #trashpanda #funny #raccoonsoftiktok #fyp #slide #animals #partyhouse #partyhardy #cute ♬ Wee – MC M10

Because what are big brothers for if not almost getting you killed, this is a video of a kid bringing down a healthy part of an abandoned building after removing enough bricks from a pillar while (I assume, based on my own relationship) his brother films. That, wow — that looked incredibly dangerous and highly irresponsible. We have to find a similar building around here somewhere, charge your phone.

This is a video of some MENSA member who decided to take his work truck through an automated carwash WITH A LADDER ON TOP, and wreck both ladder and car wash in the process. Did your ladder really need a cleaning that bad? What is wrong with people? Now I know it takes all kinds, but my goodness how awesome would be if it took less of the stupid kind?

This is a video of a precious lil penguin joining an arctic expedition, presumably to ensure the humans don’t stumble across the frozen Lost City Of Atlantis and reveal its secrets. Of course in reality (my least favorite place), it’s just using the path trampled by the humans to make its way back up to the rest of its colony without exerting any more energy than necessary. Now that I can relate to. Work smarter, not harder — that’s my motto. And, ideally, don’t work at all. HEY HONEY, CAN YOU MAKE ME A HOT CHOCOLATE?

These are a series of commercials for Apple and Paypal featuring Jeff Goldblum that have been slowed down, and make him sound drunk. Does this work for everybody in all commercials? I’m not sure, but it did work with Flo from those Progressive commercials, because I just tried it. I feel like a whole can of worms has just been opened, and you know what that means. “Time to go fishing!” Exactly, grab your rod and meet me by the pond. Also, how do we know these commercials weren’t actually filmed when Jeff was drunk, then sped up? Food for thought. Probably a freezer-burnt TV dinner.