Because you have to work with what you’re given, and if you aren’t given anything you steal a tractor and make a run for it, this is a video from North Carolina of 43-year old Ronnie Hicks (despite the perfect North Carolina name, I assume he’s actually visiting from Florida and trying to get back) leading authorities on a low-speed chase in a stolen John Deere, at break-neck speeds up to 20MPH (I like how the chase is actually holding up traffic). Clearly, he thought this all the way through.

Along the way, Hicks struck a Boone county police car, a dumpster, a church and several vehicles, though no injuries were sustained.

Eventually he pulled into a private drive, abandoned the stolen tractor, fled on foot, turned, brandished a knife, was Tased by officers and arrested.

That sounds about right. No word if Hicks will be extradited to Florida where he belongs, but knowing Florida, he’ll probably be awarded a medal and 1/16th ownership of a time-share instead of getting the alligator penalty like I suggested.

YIKES! Man arrested after leading police on chase in stolen John Deere tractorhttps://t.co/1tTdqhAeZv pic.twitter.com/PiDxPG2HvC

— KWTX News 10 (@kwtx) January 19, 2023

This is a video from a Korean foundry where giant hex nuts are made (imagine the Erector Set you could build with those things!), detailing the process in which steel rods are transformed into some of the biggest nuts I’ve ever seen. The North Atlantic right whale excluded of course, which has the largest testes in the animal kingdom, weighing as much as 2,000 pounds and constituting 2% of its total body weight. Now those — those are some massive nuts. Almost as big as the ones it takes to be an astronaut.

This is a video from Wired highlighting the work of chalk artist Kurt Wenner, who creates realistic perspective pieces on a large scale. In the video, he discusses the various pieces he’s made, his process, and the challenges that arose while creating them. It was an interesting watch. Maybe not as interesting as my watch, but it’s a naked lady who tells time with her hands. It’s a family heirloom. I’m joking, it’s a Mickey Mouse watch I repurposed.

This is a video of Youtuber Ace Underwater dropping a GoPro off the Navarre Beach fishing pier in Florida to see what the hell is down there. SPOILER: a bunch of fish. And a dolphin. I did not see any treasure chests though, or any ghost pirates. A shame, because that really would have been something. Something that would make for much more interesting dinner conversation than, “Hey, did you see that video of the fish at the fishing pier?” Which, unfortunately, I’m still going to have to bring up anyways because I’ve got nothing else.

This is some footage from the 2017 Iowa State Fair’s husband calling contest, in which wives compete by calling their husbands. Not on the phone, mind you — by yelling. The winner takes home a ribbon, five bucks, but, most importantly, bragging rights, which are invaluable. I may not have any money, but at least I can brag about how smart and handsome I am. They’re lies, of course, but that doesn’t stop me. Now that I think about it, I suppose I might as well brag about high rich I am too. I’m filthy rich. Like as filthy as my girlfriend’s feet because she never wears socks. Honey you better wash those hooves before getting into bed!

This is a video of 154-pound rock climber Magnus Midtbø competing with 375-pound strongman ‘The Norwegian Hulk’ in a biblical David vs Goliath grip strength competition, using seven different styles of grips to see who can lift the most weight. Despite his diminutive size, Magnus manages to beat the strongman in 6 out of 9 lifts. I’m not surprised — I’ve seen Free Solo before. Me? My grip strength is pathetic, I can’t even hang onto a job longer than a few days.