My Dutch oven -- you've ruined it!
Real Products That Exist: Split Blanket And Sheet Sets For Couples

Splitz Bedding ‘For Lovers Who Steal Covers’ feature $85 – $210 split sheets and blanket sets so you don’t break up with your significant other because they keep stealing your covers in the middle of the night. They’re split all the way down to the very bottom, where they’re attached. Per my girlfriend: “But how do you do the nasty?” You see, without actually having seen the sheets she thought that the blankets were stitched together in the middle so you each had your own sort of individual sleeping bag. I still replied “Naked on the kitchen counter!” though and that’s when she got up to sleep in the guest room again, the end.