This is a video of a pet sulcata tortoise named Seamus (aka the Bulldozer and The Crazy Dinosaur on TikTok) vigorously humping a basketball when he decides to bring his new girlfriend inside to meet the family and attempts to come through the dog door. Meanwhile, the family’s actual dog

This is a video highlighting the life of 6-year old sulcata tortoise Ethel, who already has the name of a 100-year old despite only being 7. I guess she’ll grow into it. Ethel is outgoing and loves butt rubs (technically rear carapice rubs) from neighbors while she’s out on walks.

The Snuggle Shell is a real product that exists for adults, designed to be worn like a backpack and provide “the comfort of a soothing hug” and “help alleviate anxiety.” Or to pretend you’re a Ninja Turtle. The shells are available in two adult sizes ($50 S/M and $70 Megasize

This is a short video of a cat crawling into a trucker hat (left on the floor by somebody who also left their Oakleys, and may have been raptured) and instantly transforming into a turtle. Great, now I want a curtle. Ideally one that uses the litter box, although I

These are a couple videos highlighting the lives of 69-year-old funeral director Hisao Mitani and his 26-year old African spurred tortoise, Bon-Chan. The two have been together since Mitani’s wife found Bon-Chan in a pet shop 26 years ago, and since the tortoise was about 10 (and a decent size),

This is a short promo for the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem movie featuring everyone’s favorite turtle liking zombie boy, Jonathan. He’s a lot older now, but he still likes turtles. And face painting. Some things never change, and I do find a little comfort in that.

Jonathan the tortoise, who’s lived at the governor’s residence on St. Helena (1,200 miles off the southwestern coast of Africa in the middle of vast ocean) since 1882, just celebrated what is believed to be his 190th birthday — although he could be even older. Honestly, he doesn’t look a

This is a video from TikTok user malachichiparker, who spotted a turtle in the road and got out of his vehicle to get it to move — and move it did! That thing leaves a dust trail and catches some air on the rocks! If the tortoise had this sort