In other home infestation news, this is a clip from Inside Edition about a home in Torrance, California that was invaded by some 1,500 birds that came flying right down through the chimney looking for a place to roost away from predators. Santa birds! You should have closed the chimney damper. It took a man living there three days to remove all the birds by hand, instead of leaving the front door and windows open and a bunch of birdseed in the yard like a normal person who doesn’t feel like being patient zero for a new strain of bird flu. You know I caught a bat that was trapped inside my parents’ screened-in porch once. I swooped it right up in a pillow case then let it loose outside, but not before asking if it knew the location of Batman’s Batcave. Unfortunately, it did not. I also once rescued a baby hummingbird and drove it to a rescue organization in — wait for it — Torrance, California! What are the odds?! This is an article about birds in Torrance, California, and I have a personal story about a bird in Torrance, California. “You should go buy a lotto scratcher.” I just got a payday advance and bought all the lotto scratchers.