533 attempts in the making, this is a video of Guitar Hero 2 world record holder CarnyJared full combo-ing Lynyrd Skynyrd’s ‘Free Bird’ at 300% speed. Talk about fingers of fury! Jared says he has all the Guitar Hero 2 world records now, which I can neither confirm nor disconfirm, but based on this video alone I’d say he probably does. But how fast can he make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? Asking for somebody who’s already ready for lunch at 9:59 and has a meeting at 10:00.

This is a clip of a bear doing battle against a giant inflatable reindeer Christmas decoration in someone’s yard while another bear cautiously watches, too wary of the reindeer’s antlers to join the fray. Despite multiple attacks, the reindeer manages to stay intact and inflated, and the person filming claims they think the reindeer actually won the fight, although I’d love to see them say that to the bear’s face.

@pubity The bear really accepted defeat at the end 🤣🤣🤣 #Pubity (donna hargett via @ViralHog ♬ original sound – Pubity

This is the entirety of the 1988 Pee-Wee’s Playhouse Christmas Special lovingly remastered in 1080p high definition. Now I’d be lying if I said I remember it, but I probably did watch it. What can I say, 1988 was a long time ago, and my memory isn’t what it used to be. What used to burn as bright as the sun is now little more than a fart ignited by an idiot at a holiday party, melting the tinsel of his ugly Christmas pants.

Keep going for the whole video, as well as three clips of different highlights.

Available from Etsy shop GiftCouturePaper, the Cheeseburger Wrapping Paper Set comes with everything you need to wrap a 6-piece cheeseburger of gifts: two sheets of sesame seed bun, one of burger patty, one cheese, one lettuce, and one tomato. All the sheets measure 24″ x 18″, so you won’t exactly be able to wrap the Porsche 911 you got me for Christmas, but you could wrap the keys, the owner’s manual, a pair of driving gloves, fuzzy dice for the rearview, a pine tree air freshener, and a Get Out Of Jail Free card for when I accidentally crash into the jail trying to do burnouts to impress my friends in the yard.

Because some people’s adrenal glands require extreme stimulation to be activated (the doorbell ringing is enough for me), this is a video of Red Bull athlete Brian Grubb getting towed behind a drone along a 968-foot high rooftop infinity pool in Dubai, where he launches off a ramp to complete phase two of his stunt: a BASE jump. That must have been exciting! Unless you live in Dubai, then it was probably just another average day. Pfft, yesterday a jetpacker came to the penthouse window asking to borrow the Grey Poupon.

This is a clip from Planet Earth III narrated by personal hero David Attenborough featuring a number of male common frogs waking up from hibernation in the French Alps, and immediately racing down the mountain to the breeding pools where females await. Damn, waking up from sleeping all winter and immediately racing to breed? That’s impressive. For reference, no matter how long I sleep, when I wake up breeding is the furthest thing from my mind. Usually it’s “Can I sleep any longer?” or “Is there anything good in the fridge?” These frogs though — total one-track minds.