Unsurprisingly, the most popular gifts for both men and women is money and gift cards, so they can buy what they actually want instead of whatever you were going to get them because, I don’t know if you knew this about yourself or not, but you’re not the best gifter. Those surveyed were aged 18 – 64 and only allowed to choose a single present. Me? I only asked for a spice rack this year. Everything else I want I already have. And that is LOVE. I’m kidding, it’s the the PS5 I got two years ago. I also always ask for peace on earth and good will towards man, but, presumably because I’m consistently awful every year, Santa just moves the Doomsday Clock another minute closer to midnight instead.

This is a compilation created by Trekkie John DiMarco (previously) of Spock finding things fascinating throughout the entirety of the Star Trek franchise, but predominately from the original series. Me? I wish I were Spock, because I don’t find anything fascinating anymore. Now almost everything is just disappointing or cool, and mostly the former. Occasionally I might find something erotic, but typically only in dreams after eating late.

Best known for leaving oily marks all over the walls and getting me in trouble, sticky hands are classic 25¢ vending machine (probably $1 now) toys that don’t taste anywhere as good as they look, and I’ve tried every color. In this video, Youtuber Nate from the Internet melts 1,000 of the tiny hands to mold a massive 9-pound version and puts it to the test. That’s cool, but can you use it as a sex toy? That was rhetorical, everything is a sex toy if you’re brave enough and have an open-minded partner.

This is a short clip of New York Knicks player Josh Hart using the back of Celtics opponent Jrue Holiday for a 3-point assist after committing to a jump shot and realizing he’d get an up-and-down traveling call if he didn’t do something with the ball. So he bounces his off Holiday’s back, retakes the shot without Holiday guarding, and sinks the three. Unfortunately, the Knicks still lost the game 98-114, because, despite my regular and progressively angrier emails to the commissioner of the NBA, style points are never awarded but should be.

What in the hell did Josh Hart just do pic.twitter.com/85uV1MBuKO

— The Knicks Wall (@TheKnicksWall) November 14, 2023

Pine trees: it seems like a lot of people have them in their houses this time of year. And to celebrate the evergreen, this is a video from Youtuber Boxlapse of a single seed from a stone pine cone (not your typical Christmas tree) growing into a small, phallic tree over the course of 300 days. Nature! Granted you won’t be able to fit very many presents under a tree so small, but you weren’t really that good this year, were you?

In what is arguable the most exciting thing to come out of Montana since the dinosaurs, this is a video of a gang of tumbleweeds that attacked a neighborhood in Great Falls, piling up against houses trying to get in. Quick — lock the doors and bar the windows, honey, they’re gathering on the lawn! “You do it.” But I’m playing video games!