Because nothing goes better with coal than a colorless, flavorless candy cane, this is the Bah, Humbug Candy Cane available from Archie McPhee. The 10.25-inch cane weighs 3.1-ounces and is void of “flavor, stripes, and Christmas Spirit.” They cost $4.50 apiece, which is a little bit more than I was

If there’s something strange in your neighborhood, who you gonna call? Please not me I’m already over my minutes and my mom is going to kill me when she sees the bill. Besides, I’m terrible in paranormal emergencies. This is the Official Ghostbusters Trap Incense Burner designed and sold by

Because nothing quite captures the spirit of Christmas like Star Trek, this is the Star Trek U.S.S. Enterprise Musical Tree Topper With Light. And apparently Trekkies have developed future farming tech capable of growing actual money trees to fruition, because this tree topper costs $150. A cost that, admittedly, made

Waffle House: like wrestling alligators, it’s a southern institution. And now the breakfast giant has teamed up with Greensboro, Georgia-based Oconee Brewing to produce Bacon & Kegs!, a respectable 6.5% ABV red ale infused with real bacon. Obviously, it makes the perfect accompaniment to your Waffle House order, even though

Always dreamed of a 72-inch, 15-pound circular weighted blanket with a Pizza Hut cheese and pepperoni pizza printed on it? Well no need to dream, because Pizza Hut teamed up with weighted blanket manufacturer Gravity Blanket to bring us just that in the form of this $150 Original Pan Weighted

Are you the kind of person who decorates EVERY room of your house for the holidays? Well you’re in luck, because now there’s this Christmas Tree Toilet Plunger to sit next to the toilet in your guest bathroom, bringing Christmas cheer to everyone while they pee on the seat. Actually

Butt masks are a real product that exists. Bawdy Butt Masks, made by DOPE Naturally (WTF is going on here?), the masks come in four varieties: BITE IT (plant based collagen, hydrating + toning), SLAP IT (caffeine infused, retexturing + detoxifying), SHAKE IT (marine algae, firming + illuminating), and SQUEEZE

This is the $35 Stretch Clock available for preorder from almost object (shipping April 2021, if there IS an April 2021), a large rubber band with the workings of an analog clock attached along its length with the numbers 3 and 9 printed to the sides (with 12 and 6