Filed under oldies but goodies, this is a video from the funeral of Irishman Nicholas ‘Nicky’ Noonan (NNN), where Nicky had a recording played from the casket that makes it appear as if he’s not dead, but just trapped in the casket. Good times. It’s nice to know he left this world with his sense of humor intact. Of course if this were my funeral I would have risen from the grave and started attacking grievers, but that’s just me and I’m– “Don’t even say it, you’re not an undead warlock.” Oh really? Would a non-undead warlock be able to do THIS? *performs detachable thumb trick* You can apologize as soon as you’re done swallowing that pride.

Thanks to JustA, who agrees when it’s your time to go, try to go in style.

This is a video of numerous bicyclists attempting to complete Rainbow Road on hard difficulty, which appears to include a heavy wind element. Damn, I thought Rainbow Road was already hard enough without constantly getting blown off the track. Full disclosure: I’ve always sucked at Mario Kart except for battle mode (which I rule at). I know, I know, you’d assume I’d be great at it like so many other things in life, but no, I can barely finish a lap without getting turned around and pissed off. My girlfriend always wants to settle disputes by racing in Mario Kart 64, but I always want to settle disputes by getting the last word in then plugging my ears and stomping out of the room. I’m a catch.

@pippaholzapfel

🌬🌬

♬ original sound – pippa2$$2

Thanks again to JustA, who I’m sure would agree we hardly ever dispute anymore anyways. And when we do, she’s right. I mean she’s not, but that’s what I tell her to end it.

The internet: that’s where we are in case you forgot. It’s like your and my secret little meeting place. See — I even carved our initials into this boner pill ad. I’ve tried them, they work. This is a punk cover of the Pee-Wee’s Playhouse theme song (originally performed by Cyndi Lauper but credited to her pseudonym Ellen Shaw) by Chicago-based punk band Kobanes. They actually did a surprisingly good job making the transformation into a punk song. My transformation from ugly caterpillar into beautiful butterfly? It’s taking longer than anticipated, and I have the sneaking suspicion Mother Nature is going to pull a fast one and I’ll be reborn a lame-ass moth at a bonfire party.

Keep going for the cover, as well as the original for reference.

Thanks to Matt, who still addressed me as GW because old habits die hard.

Because it’s taco Tuesday, this is a video of woodworker Peter Brown constructing a margarita glass (looks more like a goblet of firewater to me) entirely out of Himalayan rock salt, using a lathe to turn and carve the three separate pieces of the glass, then gluing them all together. Mmmm, glue. At the end of the video Peter makes and drinks a margarita from the glass and says it’s an unusual taste and sensation. Presumably because he’s used to drinking out of glasses made of glass. Me? I’m used to drinking out of glasses MADE FROM THE SKULLS OF MY ENEMIES. “He has to use sippy cups or he spills down his overalls.” God, why don’t you just write the website, mom?!

Frozen penises and farts, clearly we’re covering all the hard-hitting posts today. This is a short video of a Chicago Bulls fan making a living statue break character by pulling up beside her and releasing a squeaker. As far as maturity level goes, this is clearly ground floor, maybe a walk-up second story if the first floor has low ceilings. Me? My maturity level is more 32nd story penthouse. “You belong in the basement with the rest of the riff-raff.” Mom!

@ladbible His face at the end is too funny 😂 🎥 u/mainon_rambam #ladbible #fyp #foryoupage #troller #pranked #publicprank ♬ original sound – LADbible

Thanks to JustA, who agrees the school of living statues should have prepared her for that.

In news that just made my own penis want to pack up its balls and move south, Finnish skier Remi Lindholm suffered a frozen unit during the Beijing Winter Olympics men’s 50k cross-country event, which had already been reduced to 30k due to extreme temperatures and high winds. Apparently this is the second time Remi has had his most valued ski pole freeze during a race, which also happened last year during an event in Ruka, Finland. I don’t know, Remi, maybe your penis is trying to tell you something. Something like, “Why can’t we compete in sipping cocoa by a fire instead?”

“You can guess which body part was a little bit frozen when I finished. … It was one of the worst competitions I’ve been in. It was just about battling through,” Lindholm told Finnish media, per the wire service.

Lindholm’s dilemma was prolonged in the extreme cold and wind. He finished 28th in the 50-kilometer mass start race, which was shortened to 30 km due to the weather.

He applied a heat pack to his groin afterward but “when the body parts started to warm up after the finish, the pain was unbearable,” he added, per Reuters.

Wait — a frozen penis AND you finished in 28th place? I think I speak for everyone here when I say that was not worth it. You didn’t even take home a gold medal, you took home a blue rod. If I were you I’d start training for beach volleyball instead. Of course knowing your luck it’s only a matter of time until your penis is eaten by a shark.

Thanks to JustA, who doesn’t even like it if I touch her with cold hand after walking the dogs in the winter.