This is a video edit created by Youtuber Hickmeister of Bryan Cranston as Walter White from Breaking Bad delivering pizza to Bryan Cranston as Hal Wilkerson in Malcolm In The Middle. Appropriate, since Walter White is the one who knocks. See what I did there? Like any Friday night at the bar, even I don’t know what I did there. “Made an ass out of yourself.” And probably fell off my barstool gesturing wildly at least twice.

This is a video from a water park with what appear to be very lax safety standards featuring two dudes going down a slide at once, and the guy in the rear activating the other’s butt thrusters with a solid kick towards the end of the slide. Honestly, I’m surprised that guy didn’t end up in orbit. Stranger things have happened. I mean not here on earth, but I’m not from earth so I’ve seen them. I once lost a friend to a black hole after he did a bat spin and fell off the planet.

This is a video of a bear cub readjusting a trail cam to capture what the bear believes to be a better angle of all the wildlife in the area, including coyotes and a bobcat. Of course it didn’t actually do it for that reason, it probably just wanted some privacy while it pooped. Wild bears aren’t anything like the Charmin ones in those commercials you know, and they definitely don’t use toilet paper. Trust me, I almost got mauled once just for asking.

Wormholes: they’re important to be able to identify if you want to catch nightcrawlers so you can go fishing. “Different kind of wormhole.” I knew that. I am an expert on space, after all. This is a video of skilled woodworker Olivier Gomis constructing a wormhole coffee table out of aged walnut. The process is most impressive. Except instead of connecting two distant points in space and time, the table just connects where I’m going to spill my drink, and where it’s going to stain the carpet below.

Space: I know all about it because I was born there. Most people don’t know as much, or care to bother learning. About anything, really. That’s a shame. This is a video of astronaut A.J. Feustel attempting to walk heel-to-toe in a straight line here on earth after spending 197 aboard the International Space Station. He doesn’t do a very good job. Of course who needs to walk anywhere when you have a jetpack you just invented in space?! That’s my motto. One I’ve been trying to get NASA to adopt forever now.

Welcome home #SoyuzMS09 ! On October 5th this is what I looked like walking heel-toe eyes closed after 197 days on @Space_Station during the Field Test experiment…I hope the newly returned crew feels a lot better. Video credit @IndiraFeustel pic.twitter.com/KsFuJgoYXh

— A.J. (Drew) Feustel (@Astro_Feustel) December 20, 2018

This is the office chair created by Japanese natural stone workshop Factory-M after founder Koichi Hasegawa discovered a massive seat-shaped chunk of amethyst for sale during a trip to the United States. It, uh, it definitely makes a statement. One not about comfort. The chair weighs around 218-pounds and features a solid, uncut piece of amethyst. Hasegawa recommends grinding the sharp crystal ends down before actually sitting in it, but why would you ever do that? You ever had a giant crystal in your butt before? I’ve never had my chakras aligned so quickly.