Haha! Know what it is? I bet you do, you’re a smart cookie. Not the best tasting, but smart. You know, I actually bought two boxes of Girl Scout Cookies yesterday: one box of Somoas (aka Caramel deLites), and one box of the new Adventurfuls (delicious), and now I have nothing to show for them but two empty boxes and a longing for more. I guess I’ll head out at lunch to see if the troop is set up in front of the grocery store again, then go apeshit and start throwing shopping carts around when they aren’t because it isn’t the weekend. My hanger puts even the Hulk to shame. “He once pushed over all the grocery store shelves like dominos because they were out of his favorite peanut butter.” Who runs out of Skippy?!

Thanks to Jocelyn, who agrees Pat should retire already.

This is a video of a young runner demonstrating the worst way to start a race, first by falling on her face, then by falling on her hands, then by taking off like a duck while the woman filming asks if she’s okay. Was that her mom? I like how this video made its way online. That’s a mother’s love right there. She can’t understand why an email didn’t go through just because she got one letter in the email address wrong, yet still manages to upload your most embarrassing moment to the internet.

@therealnovaakan3

It’s tough out here 😭😭😭

♬ Love Letter – Novaakan3

Thanks again to JustA, who agrees she should have just turned around and started green and red shelling the racers as they came around the final turn.

Filed under oldies but goodies, this is a video from the funeral of Irishman Nicholas ‘Nicky’ Noonan (NNN), where Nicky had a recording played from the casket that makes it appear as if he’s not dead, but just trapped in the casket. Good times. It’s nice to know he left this world with his sense of humor intact. Of course if this were my funeral I would have risen from the grave and started attacking grievers, but that’s just me and I’m– “Don’t even say it, you’re not an undead warlock.” Oh really? Would a non-undead warlock be able to do THIS? *performs detachable thumb trick* You can apologize as soon as you’re done swallowing that pride.

Thanks to JustA, who agrees when it’s your time to go, try to go in style.

This is a video of numerous bicyclists attempting to complete Rainbow Road on hard difficulty, which appears to include a heavy wind element. Damn, I thought Rainbow Road was already hard enough without constantly getting blown off the track. Full disclosure: I’ve always sucked at Mario Kart except for battle mode (which I rule at). I know, I know, you’d assume I’d be great at it like so many other things in life, but no, I can barely finish a lap without getting turned around and pissed off. My girlfriend always wants to settle disputes by racing in Mario Kart 64, but I always want to settle disputes by getting the last word in then plugging my ears and stomping out of the room. I’m a catch.

@pippaholzapfel

🌬🌬

♬ original sound – pippa2$$2

Thanks again to JustA, who I’m sure would agree we hardly ever dispute anymore anyways. And when we do, she’s right. I mean she’s not, but that’s what I tell her to end it.

The internet: that’s where we are in case you forgot. It’s like your and my secret little meeting place. See — I even carved our initials into this boner pill ad. I’ve tried them, they work. This is a punk cover of the Pee-Wee’s Playhouse theme song (originally performed by Cyndi Lauper but credited to her pseudonym Ellen Shaw) by Chicago-based punk band Kobanes. They actually did a surprisingly good job making the transformation into a punk song. My transformation from ugly caterpillar into beautiful butterfly? It’s taking longer than anticipated, and I have the sneaking suspicion Mother Nature is going to pull a fast one and I’ll be reborn a lame-ass moth at a bonfire party.

Keep going for the cover, as well as the original for reference.

Thanks to Matt, who still addressed me as GW because old habits die hard.

Because it’s taco Tuesday, this is a video of woodworker Peter Brown constructing a margarita glass (looks more like a goblet of firewater to me) entirely out of Himalayan rock salt, using a lathe to turn and carve the three separate pieces of the glass, then gluing them all together. Mmmm, glue. At the end of the video Peter makes and drinks a margarita from the glass and says it’s an unusual taste and sensation. Presumably because he’s used to drinking out of glasses made of glass. Me? I’m used to drinking out of glasses MADE FROM THE SKULLS OF MY ENEMIES. “He has to use sippy cups or he spills down his overalls.” God, why don’t you just write the website, mom?!