This is a video of a pet sulcata tortoise named Seamus (aka the Bulldozer and The Crazy Dinosaur on TikTok) vigorously humping a basketball when he decides to bring his new girlfriend inside to meet the family and attempts to come through the dog door. Meanwhile, the family’s actual dog

Because teamwork makes the dream work (or so I’ve heard — all my team projects in school usually failed and I got accusatory peer-evaluations), this is a short video of a group of turtles coming to the rescue of another that’s found itself floundering upside-down in a pond. Did Michelangelo

This is a video highlighting the life of 6-year old sulcata tortoise Ethel, who already has the name of a 100-year old despite only being 7. I guess she’ll grow into it. Ethel is outgoing and loves butt rubs (technically rear carapice rubs) from neighbors while she’s out on walks.

This is a short video of a cat crawling into a trucker hat (left on the floor by somebody who also left their Oakleys, and may have been raptured) and instantly transforming into a turtle. Great, now I want a curtle. Ideally one that uses the litter box, although I

This is a video of a turtle with a taste for *don’t do it, don’t do it, don’t do it* kitty, repeatedly harassing a sleeping cat and trying to nip its toes and tail. It even gets a mouthful of fur from its tail at one point. Cleary, these two

This is a video from TikTok user malachichiparker, who spotted a turtle in the road and got out of his vehicle to get it to move — and move it did! That thing leaves a dust trail and catches some air on the rocks! If the tortoise had this sort

Because when it rains it pours turtles (I’d recommend a much stronger umbrella), this is a video of a turtle who somehow managed to get flipped over on its back in a pond (we all have that friend), and the others come to right it before it can embarrasses itself

This is a video of turtle owner Kenny James giving his turtle Sergio a little Hot Wheels car to sit on so he can zoom around the house at breakneck speeds. “Dammit, where was one of those little cars when I needed it?” I imagine Tortoise wondering after his race