This is ‘The Kiss 2’ (the first kiss must have left them wanting more!), a piece of performance art orchestrated by artist William Cobbing in which two giant clay-headed humans smooch while smearing each other’s faces, complete with ASMR sound. That’s…something. Something I found way too erotic to be watching at work. But don’t take my word for it, watch for yourself and find out the hard way. “You’re talking about boners.” I’m rarely not.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by William Cobbing (@william.cobbing)

This is a video of the Rockin’ 1000 (previously) performing Guns n’ Roses’ ‘Paradise City’, Metallica’s ‘Enter Sandman’, and Deep Purple’s ‘Smoke On The Water’. I’m into it, although I do prefer a light pink to a deep purple. Also, me and my friends in college planned a trip to Paradise City for spring break one year but must have taken a wrong turn somewhere because the grass was pavement and the girls didn’t have any teeth. Still, my buddy Porterhouse Pete decided to stay anyways.

This is a video of athlete Eugen Enin performing an incredibly long railgrind (the sharp curve at the end is most impressive) while wearing a pair of Red Lava Grindshoes from Epic Grindshoes. He makes it look easy. Me? A friend of a friend in high school allegedly saw a rollerblader land on his nuts trying to perform a railgrind and one unraveled out the bottom of his shorts, so handrails have only been used to hold onto for balance while descending stairs for me ever since.

Seen here looking more like a cartoon than an actual animal, a northern tamandua (aka lesser anteater) named Otis extends his full tongue after being woken at the Chase Wildlife Conservancy in Florida. Now that’s one hell of a tongue! My girlfriend can touch her nose with her tongue and even hers isn’t that long. She has insanely pointy elbows too. I joke with her they could probably cut glass but I’m really not joking.

Captured by wildlife photographer Mark Smith, this is a video of an osprey exiting the ocean carrying a barracuda and flapping its ways back into the sky, having emerged from the sea victorious. I can’t even imagine how much energy is required to get airborne again after leaving the water from a dead stop, but there’s no doubt in my mind if I were an osprey I would have drowned the first time I ever went fishing. Shoot, I’m not an osprey and still almost did.

This is a video from the Hitachi City Kamine Zoo in Japan of the staff practicing an escaped animal drill, with a man in a bear costume playing the role of escaped animal. I assume he’s supposed to be a bear, but the way he’s acting he could really be any animal high on drugs.

The drill was conducted on the assumption that an earthquake registering a full 7 on the 7-point Japanese seismic intensity scale occurred, breaking a glass window in the display area and allowing a bear to escape from its enclosure. Participants drove a zoo employee dressed in a bear costume into a corner using nets and vehicles, and fired a tranquilizer gun. After confirming that the collapsed fake bear did not move, they returned it to its enclosure.

Okay, so he was supposed to be a bear, it wasn’t just a case of renting the only animal costume that the costume store had left. Good to know. Regardless, I just started a GoFundMe to get this guy some acting lessons before the next drill, because I’ve seen more convincing bears in the reptile house.