This is a Guinness World Record video highlighting the tongue of a St. Bernard named Mochi, who was just awarded the record for longest dog tongue. You may recall the recently posted record holder for largest circumference human female tongue. It’s a world record tongue kind of week. Next week: ears!

Mo is resilient, comical, loving and eternally grateful and loyal to us – her forever family. This once abused and neglected pup has taught us that it’s okay to be different. We are proud of her unique feature… Officially measured by a vet at 18.58 cm (7.3 in) – the equivalent of two-and-a-half Jenga blocks in a row – Mochi’s was verified as the Longest tongue on a dog (current).

7.3-inches? It looks longer than that to me. Regardless, I bet that tongue can really do some damage to a glass patio door. Why do dogs lick windows anyways? “The same reason you do.” To taste the other side?! PROTIP: don’t lick the car window passing a paper factory.

This is a video compilation highlighting the work of artist LeopARTnik, who takes videos of birds doing things and adds stick arms and accessories, making the videos infinitely better. When I logged onto AOL this morning this is exactly what I was hoping to see. It’s pure perfection. There’s a pet bird attacking cats with a guitar, a mariachi trio of geese, a group of warrior turkeys attacking a cop, an owl delivery bird, and so much more. If there was ever a good reason why the internet was invented, this is it. This is the pinnacle of tubes, and we can only pray that invading space aliens watch this video before any others and decide to spare us, because 99.9995% of Youtube videos are a death sentence.

This is a video of musician Christian Nolen strumming his guitar while undergoing brain surgery to remove a tumor growing near the hand/motor area of his brain. Doctors needed Christian to be awake and using his hands in order to monitor Christian’s motor control during the operation, and playing the guitar was the perfect solution. Me? I probably would asked if I could play video games. The doctors would laugh and say I could TRY, then proceeded to joke about how I suck so bad at gaming I’ve probably died in Animal Crossing.

This is a video of Jenny DuVander of Portland, Oregon having her tongue measured and being awarded the Guinness World Record for largest tongue circumference (female) in the world, with a massive 5.21″ clapper. Damn! The current male record is 6.3″, and must look like dude is choking on a raw meatball. No word what it’s like French-kissing someone with such a massive tongue, but if it’s anything like kissing me (according to my girlfriend), “Like suckin’ on a chili dog, both in texture AND taste.” Makes me wish I could kiss myself!

This is a video of the banjo strumming trio of Foggy Mountain Spaceship performing their take on the original Super Mario Bros. overworld and underworld themes. They do a fantastic job. Me? I would have butchered those songs, then smashed my banjo on stage and asked the nonexistent audience who wants me to sign their boobs.

This is a video captured aboard a Varda space capsule launched by SpaceX that’s reentering the earth’s atmosphere at around Mach 25, or around 17,500MPH. That’s fast. Varda developed the W1 capsule for companies that want to test or manufacture in space (in this case, drug manufacturing in zero-gravity). The capsules will be blasted into space by commercial flights, then returned to earth once the testing/manufacture is complete. Me? Everything I shoot into space I never want to see again. That’s why I aim everything right at the sun and yell “F**k You!” when I push the launch button.

Keep going for the video, which features some stunning orbital footage of our flat earth before atmospheric reentry begins around 2:00, and things really getting wild around 3:00.