This is a video of a drunk man at a wedding reception dancing with a sparkler then dry humping his partner and setting a dry flower display on fire in the process. He then proceeds to wipe the fire off the barrel with the sleeve of his suit jacket, and stomp it out, before continuing his dance and getting reprimanded by who I assume is his daughter. “I did it for the Tok!” I imagine him trying to explain with flammable breath.

Thanks to my dad, who agrees Smokey probably doesn’t know how to feel about this.

This is a video of TikTok user mamaluc_ and her brother showing off their mom’s insane Yeti mug collection. Now that — that is entirely too many Yetis for someone who doesn’t get paid in Yetis instead of money. Where does she even store them all?! *kicking self* If only I’d bought Yeti stock before this woman discovered them!

@mamaluc_ @YETI my moms your biggest fan #yeti #yeticooler #yeticup ♬ original sound – Lucia

Note: Video HERE in case your browser doesn’t want you starting your own collection.

Thanks to JustA, who agrees nobody needs a different mug for every day of the year.

This is a video captured by an unmanned submersible operated by the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) Ocean Exploration team featuring a whiplash squid swimming in ‘marine snow’ at a depth of around 1,100 meters (3,609-feet, about 7/10ths of a mile). It’s not actually snow though, it’s delicious, nutritious debris making its way to the ocean floor from the surface. Mmmmm! If I was a shrimp I’d be stoked about the all-you-can-eat-buffet raining down on me right now. I’m not a shrimp though. You see the squid’s two long appendages? Well they’re not actually whips, THOSE ARE ITS PENISES. Just kidding, that would be wild though. *spots Mother Nature scribbling ‘whip penises’ in her design notebook* Oh no you don’t!

This is a video of pastry chef and chocolatier Amaury Guichon crafting a giant wall-mounted dragon head trophy entirely out of chocolate. First, he created a giant chocolate penis, then he works that johnson into a dragon’s head! Simple really. I mean I couldn’t do it, but only because I would eat all the chocolate before I even crafted the basic penis. TRUE STORY: whenever I make cookies I don’t even bother getting a pan out because there’s never any dough left to bake.

This is an hour-long bardcore medley of Eminem songs (with no rapping) as composed by Beedle The Bard. It includes such medieval bangers as The Real Slim Shady, Lose Yourself, Without Me, Stan, The Way I Am, and MORE. Like Halloween candy, some were definitely better than others. And while I did hear some full-size Snickers bars in there, I definitely heard some candy corn as well.

keep going for the video, Stan at 29:20 is particularly pleasant.

In cue the Benny Hill theme news, this is video of a police chase starring an out-of-shape officer jogging after a kid, who quickly rounds a corner and climbs a drainpipe onto the top of a building. But when the officer turns the corner he’s nowhere to be found, and takes out his frustration out on a trash can. And, clearly impressed with the culprit’s gumption, the guy filming refuses to reveal the kid’s location. When reached for comment about the situation, the officer was still out of breath and I couldn’t understand him. Sounded angry though.

@mrheroikone13 A little bit of English humour 😂 #funny #runway #crimetok #rypシ ♬ original sound – Big Herow oneskies